Lots of kinky people have heard the term subspace (if you haven’t, it’s the happy, floaty, blissed out state some bottoms can get into when they have a good scene), but it seems like fewer people have heard of top space.

For me, topspace is a relaxed but extremely focused state where everything inside my scene is fantastic and everything outside of it might as well not exist.  It feels like a type of flow state, but more altered, if that makes any sense. While my topspace isn’t quite as floaty and spaced out as I’ve heard subspace can be, I wouldn’t want to make any big decisions while I was in it. It feels really, really good but my judgement is definitely impaired when I’m in topspace.

If that sounds dangerous, it’s because it is. I can get so focused on landing the flogger exactly where I want it that I don’t realize just how close my bottom is to their limits. Fortunately I mostly play with people who are awesome at calling red when they need to so no harm was done, but since then I’ve been a lot more careful to stay focused on my bottom’s reactions when I feel myself slipping into topspace.

On the less dangerous and more funny side, a friend and I were once on the way home from a play party where we had both played and I got us completely lost by being too spaced out to navigate. All I needed to do was reverse the directions he had printed out to get us from my house to the party, but somehow I messed it up and we ended up driving around lost until we found some random people to ask for directions. Moral of the story: don’t play and navigate.

If you know you’re prone to getting into a spacey sort of topspace, I don’t think that means you’re an inherently dangerous top but I do think it’s important to know the signs that you’re getting into an altered state, and to correct for that by putting a little extra attention on your bottom. Personally I start feeling intensely relaxed, letting out happy sighs, and sometimes it seems like colours get brighter and my vision gets sharper. Being someone who has a lot of trouble really relaxing (not that tops are prone to being control freaks at all :), that intense relaxation can be so seductive that it’s hard to remember that I need to pay really close attention to what I’m doing.

Cautions aside, how do you get into topspace? For me, it’s easier to get there if I’m doing something rhythmic like flogging or whipping. Music seems to help too. And to go back to the flow state thing, it seems to work better if I’m doing something I really need to concentrate on. Flogging can get me there, but it doesn’t take the intensity of focus that using a whip does. I imagine needles or knives might do it too, but I still haven’t tried either of those.

What about you, readers? Do you go into topspace, and if you do what does it feel like? And if you have any tips for getting there I’d love to hear them.

10 thoughts on “Topspace

  1. Really interesting post.

    I do get it (though I tend to call it ‘dom space’ because it’s not necessarily related to typical topping activities). A lot of what you described sounds similar to how I experience it (everything else fades away, the ‘flow’).

    I think the main difference for me is that I also get hyper focussed in it, so I don’t so much go into ‘my own’ space but ‘our’ space. So rather than drifting away from him in it, I see and feel *everything* from him in a way that feels like I’m almost part of him (I’m not one for ‘woo woo’ stuff, but that’s how it feels).

    Part of it for me is the connection with him firing just right, and his non-verbal signals to me become super clear – every breath, every tremble, every bead of sweat, I see and feel them all as part of this shared space that we are in together and I *know*, perhaps better than any other time, exactly where he is in it.

    I tend to drift away into la la land afterwards, and it seems like that should be a conscious decision on my part, but it doesn’t feel like it is.



  2. This is fascinating. Thanks, both of you, for sharing that. I haven’t played much, so I don’t think I’ve felt either Dom space or sub space. (I’ve played both roles in past relationships, but I’m not sure if I’m really a switch.) My trouble is that I can’t really get motivated or invested enough in sex or play if I don’t have some level of romantic interest.

    • I know what you mean. Some people need that romantic interest component in order to really get into the scene, other wise it just isn’t as amazing to them. I am definitely one of those people.
      –Miss Ari ^_^

  3. I definitely experience topspace but i never thought to put a name to it. I kind of feels like a rush of power or emotion to me. I dont think im particularly dangerous in this state but i do get incredibly possessive. I have to be careful that i dont say things that i dont mean, because even in subspace, people tend to remember the stuff you say 🙂
    –Miss Ari ^_^

    • Hmm…on second thought, maybe I have felt that before….a rush of power and emotion…and possessiveness that also causes me to say stuff sometimes that I don’t really mean…and then feel like a jerk later when I try and explain that I’m not ready to really “make her mine.” *faceplant*. Thinking back on those times, I feel like there was some other feeling too… a little dark, a little aggressive… But maybe it’s also part of the power+possessiveness combo. I’ve definitely never felt “floaty.” The closest I get to “blissed out” is more of an excited sense of accomplishment if I’ve done all I wanted to and made my partner happy.

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