Compatible kinks are not enough

In which Stabbity spends some more time yelling about the fucking morons who treat women like kink vending machines. Eventually I’ll get this out of my system, right?

One of my many, many problems with the idiots who lead with their kinks is that they don’t seem to realize women have personalities (mine is pretty grumpy, in case you hadn’t noticed 🙂 ). Even if we’re just talking kink (which we’re not, but I’ll get to that) some women love ritualistic, high protocol scenes and other women just want to hit you with stuff and see if you make interesting noises. If you just ask whether she’s into _____, you haven’t learned anything about whether the two of you are compatible.

If you’re looking to actually submit to someone, then unless the two of you lead very compartmentalized lives you are probably going to spend time together outside of scenes. I mean, if you like someone enough to submit to her, don’t you like her enough to chat about that interesting article you read and how her side project is going for a little while? I just don’t understand how guys think you can have a d/s relationship without ever talking to each other like people. You’ve got to figure out whether you trust her enough to submit to her somehow.

And guys, how exactly do you think you’re going to negotiate with a woman who you can’t stand? Seriously, d/s requires a lot of talking. If your personality clashes with your potential dom’s, how exactly are you planning to get through all the negotiating and debriefing and adjusting you’re going to need to do? Yeah, you assumed you could just skip to the naked hitty part without any boring talking like in porn, didn’t you.

Speaking of boring talking, isn’t wanting to please your dom kind of an important part of the whole d/s thing? Why would you want to please someone (or even spend time around her) if you think she makes terrible personal choices? D/s generally involves the dom having some control over the sub’s life, so you know, it might be a good idea to figure out whether she’s any good at running her own life before you let her make decisions about yours. Not that she has to be perfect to be worthy of dominating anyone, but if you don’t respect her, don’t pretend submitting to her has any chance of working. And how do you come to respect a woman enough to bottom to her without getting to know her at all?

Oh that’s right you fuckers don’t respect any women, so it doesn’t make a difference to you if you respect this one even less than that one. Who a woman is as a person doesn’t matter when you never believed she was really a person in the first place.

Seriously, that’s what you assholes are really saying when you act like the only thing that matters about a woman is whether she’s willing to do the stuff that makes your boner happy, and that’s why I’m so fucking pissed about it. If you can’t pull your head out of your ass for five goddamn minutes and treat me like a human being, you deserve to go your whole life wishing for a dom and never finding one.

Sure, there are probably women out there who have dealt with one too many subs who have a fetish for one of her hard limits and actually do want to know up front if you have a kink that doesn’t work for her at all, but you can literally never go wrong by treating a potential dom like a person first. If she wants to know what your kinks are I promise she will tell you. Just shut the fuck up about your boner for a couple minutes and talk to her like she’s a person first. If you really don’t care who your dom is, a) stop calling yourself submissive, that implies you give a shit about your dom’s needs, b) stop bothering the lifestyle doms, and c) tip like a motherfucker when you see a pro because you’re an asshole and she deserves it for putting up with you.

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