Cuckolding, at least the way it’s usually presented, is one of those kinks that has just never made sense to me. Which is sad, because if it were just tweaked a little it could be super hot.
When I use the word cuckolding, I’m specifically talking about the fantasy of a cruel dominant woman cheating on her pathetic submissive husband with a Real Man (often a black man, because racism is totally not a huge turn off) who she submits to. In a word, ugh.
For starters, the racism that’s so often a part of that fantasy is just gross. Black guys are people, they don’t exist just to somehow degrade your wife by having sex with her. I know, I know, you can’t help what you’re turned on by, but you can goddamn well help how you talk about it and how you treat actual people outside of your fantasies.
The part I take the most personally is the idea that all women are really submissive at heart and can only be truly sexually fulfilled by being dominated. Fuck that noise. Just because you’re too stupid to grasp the concept of sexually dominant women doesn’t mean they don’t exist. They just don’t hang around with you because you’re an asshole.
And finally, the idea that a submissive man can’t satisfy a woman is incredibly insulting. You may have eroticized being bad in bed, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to date a guy who can’t be bothered to get me off. It’s not even that hard, you just have to be able to follow simple directions! There’s no reason – besides being more interested in his fantasy of how he should treat a dominant woman than in actually satisfying the dominant woman he’s with – that a submissive guy wouldn’t be able to sexually satisfy a woman.
So, given all those huge glaring problems with the usual cuckolding fantasy, how do we make it hot?
First, ditch the racism. Sort that shit out on your own time, don’t ask someone to be a prop in your fantasy.
Second, ditch the dominant guy. That part just makes no sense whatsoever – being a dominant woman, submissive guys are my definition of hotness. Why on earth would I want to fuck someone who is inherently less attractive to me than the lovely submissive man who presumably wants me (the whole cuckolding thing kind of falls apart if all the ‘cuckold’ just doesn’t care who the woman has sex with)?
Not that dominant men can’t be perfectly lovely people, but I’m sure they’d much rather have sex with someone who actually wants them, so leave the poor guys alone.
And finally, ditch the idea that submissive men can’t satisfy a woman. If you can’t get a woman off, the problem is between your ears, not between your legs.
Now that we’ve gotten rid of the gross parts of the fantasy, we’re left with the delicious melty core of heightened power dynamics, helplessness, and unfairness. Showing your partner that you get to have sex with whoever you like and he doesn’t? Hot. Tying him up and making him watch, desperately turned on and with no way to do anything about it? Hot. Having as many orgasms as you want while your partner isn’t even allowed to masturbate? Hot. For emotional sadists it’s probably hot to humiliate their partner by ‘cheating’ on him, but I’m not an emotional sadist so I could be completely wrong there.
Cuckolding is never going to be everyone’s kink, but think how much easier it would be to get dominant women to try it if you didn’t ask them to be racist, submissive, and to tolerate you being a bad lover.