Cuckolding

Cuckolding, at least the way it’s usually presented, is one of those kinks that has just never made sense to me. Which is sad, because if it were just tweaked a little it could be super hot.

When I use the word cuckolding, I’m specifically talking about the fantasy of a cruel dominant woman cheating on her pathetic submissive husband with a Real Man (often a black man, because racism is totally not a huge turn off) who she submits to. In a word, ugh.

For starters, the racism that’s so often a part of that fantasy is just gross. Black guys are people, they don’t exist just to somehow degrade your wife by having sex with her. I know, I know, you can’t help what you’re turned on by, but you can goddamn well help how you talk about it and how you treat actual people outside of your fantasies.

The part I take the most personally is the idea that all women are really submissive at heart and can only be truly sexually fulfilled by being dominated. Fuck that noise. Just because you’re too stupid to grasp the concept of sexually dominant women doesn’t mean they don’t exist. They just don’t hang around with you because you’re an asshole.

And finally, the idea that a submissive man can’t satisfy a woman is incredibly insulting. You may have eroticized being bad in bed, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to date a guy who can’t be bothered to get me off. It’s not even that hard, you just have to be able to follow simple directions! There’s no reason – besides being more interested in his fantasy of how he should treat a dominant woman than in actually satisfying the dominant woman he’s with – that a submissive guy wouldn’t be able to sexually satisfy a woman.

So, given all those huge glaring problems with the usual cuckolding fantasy, how do we make it hot?

First, ditch the racism. Sort that shit out on your own time, don’t ask someone to be a prop in your fantasy.

Second, ditch the dominant guy. That part just makes no sense whatsoever – being a dominant woman, submissive guys are my definition of hotness. Why on earth would I want to fuck someone who is inherently less attractive to me than the lovely submissive man who presumably wants me (the whole cuckolding thing kind of falls apart if all the ‘cuckold’ just doesn’t care who the woman has sex with)?

Not that dominant men can’t be perfectly lovely people, but I’m sure they’d much rather have sex with someone who actually wants them, so leave the poor guys alone.

And finally, ditch the idea that submissive men can’t satisfy a woman. If you can’t get a woman off, the problem is between your ears, not between your legs.

Now that we’ve gotten rid of the gross parts of the fantasy, we’re left with the delicious melty core of heightened power dynamics, helplessness, and unfairness. Showing your partner that you get to have sex with whoever you like and he doesn’t? Hot. Tying him up and making him watch, desperately turned on and with no way to do anything about it? Hot. Having as many orgasms as you want while your partner isn’t even allowed to masturbate? Hot. For emotional sadists it’s probably hot to humiliate their partner by ‘cheating’ on him, but I’m not an emotional sadist so I could be completely wrong there.

Cuckolding is never going to be everyone’s kink, but think how much easier it would be to get dominant women to try it if you didn’t ask them to be racist, submissive, and to tolerate you being a bad lover.

62 thoughts on “Cuckolding

  1. All those porn-based clichés were what kept me away from cuckolding for so long. I thought it had to be that way, and I wanted no part of it. Eventually I came to realize that wasn’t the case, but there was still one thing holding me back.

    That is, until I realized cuckolding can be done two ways: either as a relationship dynamic or as an individual scene. Cuckolding as a relationship dynamic is still a limit for me; if she has the freedom to fuck others but I don’t, that’s going to cause relationship problems for us. However, cuckolding as an individual scene definitely pushes a lot of hot buttons for me, many of which you touched on toward the end. We’ve tried it a couple times now, and it was fifty pounds of hot for everyone involved. Definitely something I hope to explore further.

    • That is, until I realized cuckolding can be done two ways: either as a relationship dynamic or as an individual scene.

      I am facepalming so hard right now. It actually never occurred to me that cuckolding could be something besides a big, serious relationship dynamic that you choose once and can never step back from. Cuckolding as a scene makes a lot more sense to me than cuckolding as a relationship dynamic.

  2. *stands up and applauds*

    Cuckolding fantasies, the way I see them portrayed most of the time (which include that racism and sexism and fetishizing not being able to satisfy the woman) make me physically flinch. It’s like all the worst ideas about femdom shoved together into one unappetizing package. I can’t identify with the woman and the whole thing makes me want a shower.

    But, um–

    the delicious melty core of heightened power dynamics, helplessness, and unfairness. Showing your partner that you get to have sex with whoever you like and he doesn’t? Hot. Tying him up and making him watch, desperately turned on and with no way to do anything about it? Hot. Having as many orgasms as you want while your partner isn’t even allowed to masturbate? Hot.

    Jesus Christ. SO hot. Squirming-in-my-chair-while-I-type hot.

    • Aw, thanks 🙂

      I can’t identify with the woman and the whole thing makes me want a shower.

      Pretty much. I look at the stereotypical cuckold fantasy and just think ‘Uh, which part of this is supposed to turn me on?’

      Jesus Christ. SO hot. Squirming-in-my-chair-while-I-type hot.

      Ironically, that’s what I find so frustrating about most cuckolding discussions – it would be so easy to make it *so* hot, but people just seem to fixate on the awful parts.

      • I was actually in an argument the other week about whether there even were any women into cuckolding. To me it’s always seemed like such a male fantasy, and to hit closer to some men’s humiliation kinks and/or ego issues (“I’m not enough to satisfy her, unmanly worm that I am!”) than anything I could imagine a woman finding hot.

        But when you put it like that…well. Absolutely hot. I’m going to have to put this idea in my hotness file and see if any smut percolates up from it eventually, because damn. 🙂

        (Now that I think of it, there were elements of “she fucks who she wants, you don’t” in the second Space Queen story of mine. But that could be expanded upon. Hrm.)

        • Exactly. I have always felt that difference between cuckolding and simply being a polyamorous dominant woman is the desires of the squirming sub-man who wants to hear about the adventures she had and how he could not have done as well. Since I have my lovers for my own (and their) pleasure, and not to fulfil some desire of my husband to be made to feel inferior, I am not a cuckoldress.

  3. The way that you (and plk, above) describe it *is* hot, because it’s done in the context of a dominant woman dynamic: “I’m in charge, and this is what I want.”

    Unfortunately, what we see most often in the chastity/OD community has this icky, creepy, humiliation overlay that makes me want to put as much distance from it as possible. A few years ago, I pretty much lost it when I found a blogger who was writing about how he was trying to *intentionally* become a bad lover to induce his wife into taking on a partner so he could play out his own humiliation fantasies. From what I remember, what it actually induced was his wife leaving him.

    I’ve been unfollowing Tumblrs if I see that the owner tends to focus on the humiliation or racist fantasy aspects in their captions because my cringe muscles were being overworked, for exactly the reasons that you’ve described. Thank you for pointing out that there is an alternative that has nothing to do with the more common male wank fantasy.

    • I agree with this so hard you cannot believe it. As someone who is *very* much into the chastity and orgasm denial thing as a fetish, the brutal and sometimes disgusting sexism and objectification of women I see in the fetish just squicks me out.

      Femdom Porn in any respect has very little to do with the Femdom at all, and it blows.

    • writing about how he was trying to *intentionally* become a bad lover to induce his wife into taking on a partner so he could play out his own humiliation fantasies

      Holy shit. WOW.

      (Yes, it’s intimidating to talk to a partner about one’s kinks. But…wow. That is the most wrong-assed way of going about it I ever heard of.)

  4. You missed of the best kinks that oft go with cuckolding! Forced fem and forced bi. Because why not add some more sexism and homophobia to this steaming pile of kink?

    • Doh! I’m not totally sure I want to open the forced fem can of worms again (if I never hear another sexist douchebag say ‘It’s not misogyny, men just aren’t supposed to wear women’s clothes’ again, it’ll be too fucking soon), but I can’t believe I missed a chance to hate on it 🙂

      You make an excellent point, that extra level of sexism and homophobia make the whole gross mess even worse.

  5. Isn’t the black bull thing really a convenient, lazy, shorthand rather than ACTUAL racism? The point being that the lover must be ‘better’ than the cuckold, and as it’s proven beyond all reasonable doubt that all black guys have huge cocks, well, duh!
    I tell you who I feel really sorry for though, the little dicked black guys who want to be cucks!

    • I think it’s the “all black guys have huge cocks” (and the reduction of black men to that stereotype, as poseable dolls to fulfill a usually-white man’s kinks) that’s the racist bit. Or part of it at least. It also ties in with “randy black men who want to rape our white women,” which has had horrific consequences in the real world. There’s often something about the choice of black men specifically to heighten the “wrong-but-hot” nature of the scene that says that the fantasizer thinks that black man/white woman is actually more unnatural than white man/white woman. Bring in an outsider to this relationship! Oh, I know, bring in someone really out there, really strange and monstrous and big-dicked–a black guy!

      It’s not something to cheaply throw around as a convenient, lazy shorthand, basically. The fact that people do is the problem.

      You certainly have a point about black men who don’t fit the giant-cock stereotype.

      • There’s often something about the choice of black men specifically to heighten the “wrong-but-hot” nature of the scene that says that the fantasizer thinks that black man/white woman is actually more unnatural than white man/white woman. Bring in an outsider to this relationship! Oh, I know, bring in someone really out there, really strange and monstrous and big-dicked–a black guy!

        Exactly! That’s some pretty blatant racism right there.

        • As a black woman married to white man I find cuckolding to be rather disturbing and racist. Period. All it is the sexual horrors of slavery all over again. The idea of white putang being on a pedastool affirms white female feminism as a real thing. The objectification of black men has me ready to puke. How is this considered normal!? Why aren’t we discussing the depravity behind this!?

  6. I actually presented something like this to my current love interest. She’d be willing to try it out as a scene, at some point, and so would I. There is a *lot* to it that can be *very* hot (being the fluffer, making sure to clean them both afterwards, and on and on) when you strip away the problematics of it all.

    Its basically how I’m approaching my kink right now. Ignore the porn/”established” way of doing it, and just go with what feels hot and comfortable!

    • (the above also applies to my feminisation kink which you’ve ranted about before in similar ways. the way it’s presented in the culture is a problem. the way it *can* be executed between two partners is hot as fucking fuck)

    • Its basically how I’m approaching my kink right now. Ignore the porn/”established” way of doing it, and just go with what feels hot and comfortable!

      It’s sad that the “established” way of doing things usually sucks so much, but yay for people figuring out what they actually enjoy and running with it!

  7. Thank you! I am glad to hear common sense does exist (even if in short supply) in the FemDom scene.
    I admire that you place more thought into your ‘play’ because you are a serious practitioner and not just someone who would like to look cool.
    –Miss Ari ^_^

    • I think it’s just as much over-thinking things as if it’s my mission in life as it is being a serious practitioner, but thanks 🙂

  8. I think the crux of what bothers me about the cuckold fetish (aside from the racism, which is a pretty huge factor) is that guys who are into being cuckolded always seem to be focused entirely on their own feelings of erotic humiliation. As much as they pay lip service to their woman fucking other guys in order to be satisfied, it still comes across like she’s just a means to an end. Like “mumble mumble my partner has good sex with other dudes because OH WOE IS ME I AM SO PATHETIC CAN EVERYONE JUST NOTICE HOW PATHETIC I AM RIGHT NOW *FAP*FAP*FAP*.”

    I have similar reservations about the Hotwife thing – it sounds like once again the woman is a pawn, but this time instead of proving that her husband sucks, she’s proving that her husband is badass for owning a pretty shiny pussy that everyone else wants.

    Call me crazy, but if I’m fucking anyone aside from my primary partner, it’s gonna be because I wanna have hot sex with that other person, not because I’m trying to impress my partner or provide him with fap fodder. I’m dominant and a horndog and goddammit this is gonna be about me.

    And yeah. That one paragraph in the OP about how it could be done…hot. 😀

    • As much as they pay lip service to their woman fucking other guys in order to be satisfied, it still comes across like she’s just a means to an end. Like “mumble mumble my partner has good sex with other dudes because OH WOE IS ME I AM SO PATHETIC CAN EVERYONE JUST NOTICE HOW PATHETIC I AM RIGHT NOW *FAP*FAP*FAP*.”

      Yep, pretty much. I’m really not sure what part of being a prop in someone else’s fantasy is supposed to be appealing to me as a dom.

      but this time instead of proving that her husband sucks, she’s proving that her husband is badass for owning a pretty shiny pussy that everyone else wants.

      Ugh. Yeah, it all seems to have surprisingly little to do with who the woman actually wants to have sex with.

      And thanks 🙂

      • Again, yes. This is what bothers me about cuckolding. If I’m the dominant person in this arrangement, then why does it seem to be all about his feelings? This brand of cuckolding could easily escalate into a scene where the tied up man in the corner tries to tell the couple in the bed what to do next, because the rope and the chastity and the view is all here as a part of his fantasy. No thanks.

  9. The concept of a man whose wife has sex with other men being a ‘cuckold’ has some depressing roots which go beyond private jealousy and ideas of male (in)adequacy. It’s connected to the patriarchal imperative of a man as ‘head of family’ being supposed to control the sexuality of women dependent on him.

    It seems to me, today a dominant woman saying ‘I have sex with whom I want; my submissive partner has sex with whom I want’ can work okay as consensual DS, if it is what all involved people want – including the third person, who hopefully is at least their friend, and not a mere prop and means to an end. I would hope the third person is welcome at their dinner table too, not just in their bed.

    If one does not swallow the concept in the first place of a man being obligated to control the woman/women in his life, it is hard to bring up a whole lot of enthusiasm for the humiliation that is supposedly happening in ‘cuckolding’. Much as I kink on control/loss of control, the default I start from is one of equality; apparently not just in my mind, but also in my erotic responses which are by no means ruled by ratio. I don’t get an erotic charge from the concept of it being humiliating when a man is not living up to a supposed role of ruler over his wife’s sexuality.

    If you want to know an early fictional example of a patriarchal cuckolding fantasy, check out the story of King Shahryār, the frame story of the One Thousand and One Nights, in an uncensored version. You see several of the aspects discussed in there, including the racism. (The king’s wife and her ladies are discovered having sex with black slaves.) There is also the depressing undercurrent of violence against people who don’t conform to patriarchal control. (The king kills his wife and her lover, and subsequently kills lots of more women until Sheherazade shows up.)

    Sorry to be such a wet blanket on this subject. Anyone who can play with aspects of this and make them hot and joyful for all participants instead of just repeating a depressing patriarchal concept, more power to you.

    • It’s connected to the patriarchal imperative of a man as ‘head of family’ being supposed to control the sexuality of women dependent on him.

      That’s a really good point. Come to think of it, if it’s just about private jealousy/power/humiliation, shouldn’t dominant men having sex with other women in front of their submissives be a thing? There does seem to be this assumption that women ‘cheating’ on their partners is taboo and therefore sexy, where men ‘cheating’ on their partners seems to just be business as usual.

      I don’t get an erotic charge from the concept of it being humiliating when a man is not living up to a supposed role of ruler over his wife’s sexuality.

      I was assuming the humiliation came from his partner not just cheating on him but making absolutely no attempt to hide it, but you make a good point about the expectation that a man should control his partner’s sexuality.

      including the third person, who hopefully is at least their friend, and not a mere prop and means to an end. I would hope the third person is welcome at their dinner table too, not just in their bed.

      That part always seemed kind of weird to me – I can see being used and set aside until the couple is ready for you again being hot in a humiliating kind of way for a submissive person whose kinks run that way, but I don’t understand how that would work if the third person was supposed to be dominant. Granted, I do have kind of a thing about submissive guys expecting me to act out their fantasies, but still.

  10. A few years ago, I pretty much lost it when I found a blogger who was writing about how he was trying to *intentionally* become a bad lover to induce his wife into taking on a partner so he could play out his own humiliation fantasies.

    Wow. It just doesn’t get any clearer that for some cuckolds their wives are just props in their humiliation fantasies.

    • It was horrifying to watch it unfold over the course of several weeks of posts. I stopped reading after I left a comment about how ridiculous he was being about the whole thing. A year or so later I happened to run across it again, and it looks like he got his wank fantasy, but it led to some serious problems.

      I know that I’m like the old guy in the chastity community, but I have to say that seeing the big cross-over with the cuck humiliation bloggers has kind of made me want to distance myself from whatever it is I had been doing in the past.

      • Tom, I’m feeling the same way these days. I keep telling myself that the humiliation addicts (and both cuck and sissymaids are subsets of this) are just louder than the rest of us. Like perversecowgirl said above, their fantasies involve other people reacting to them, so they are really bad attention whores.

        I probably understand their motives a bit, since I’m something of an exhibitionist myself, but I have a sense of propriety about it (when I was younger it didn’t always work, I’ll admit). But I realize it’s wrong to force other people to participate in your fantasy. It’s why you don’t have sex on the hood of your car in the Costco parking lot.

        So I keep telling myself their just louder than us and the noise they make doesn’t say anything about our kink, but wow, it’s getting harder and harder to keep believing that. We need voices like yours to be heard, to remind people not every guy’s chastity fantasy involves whatching his wife pull a train of black gang-bangers while he’s wearing a French maid’s outfit.

  11. I completely agree, which is why I decided to write cuckolding stories that reflect my tastes. In fact, you pretty much described exactly what I wrote. My wife and I have a real D/s dynamic, which includes cuckolding. However, she doesn’t actually have sex with other men. I satisfy her just fine and now that we have a family it’s too much of a hassle for her to go looking when she has what she wants at home. Ironic compared to the fantasy, but dominant women aren’t with submissive men for no reason.

    There are basically only two male submissive fantasies (as portrayed in porn and most erotica); the ‘be careful what you wish for’, and ‘he did something wrong and she is getting revenge’. Why can’t the guy just be submissive without doing anything wrong? Why can’t there just be a dominant woman and a submissive guy, and for them to be happy together and for everything to work out? Honestly?

    I feel like an ass for even mentioning it, but, but my self-published stories on Amazon might be up your alley if you agree with her post. Look for ‘Cuckolding Dave’. It costs a dollar (sorry), but I haven’t been able to make it free yet (Amazon doesn’t like it), and I’m not allowed to give it away thanks to my agreement with them.

    As usual, I find myself in agreement with this blog. Keep up the great work!

  12. Em and I have been into cuckolding for years and we still find it hot. I think that cuckolding is turns us on – in part – because of how it manipulates taboos, how we allow ourselves to enact uncomfortable, politically incorrect scenarios, including the stuff that a lot of others don’t approve of. We can do whatever we feel like, including playing out the racist fantasies. And humiliation… Damn, being humiliated is the wellspring of my sexual pleasure. Em enjoys humiliating me and I am ever grateful that I’ve found someone who derives pleasure indulging me. We have had, and continue to have, a very fulfilling sex life that includes us having penetrative sex but sometimes not. Em has had lovers of all races and is open to anyone who turns her on. Black men, for whatever reason, play heavily in our fantasies and sometimes in scenes. But we’re not racists and resent race play being equated with it.

    Most cuckold porn sucks not because of what it attempts to depict but because the participants aren’t actually in a relationship doing things that turn them on. They are professionals pandering to a market. Most of the end users are probably wannabes whose tastes aren’t clearly defined because they aren’t actually involved.

    Cuckolding, like so much else in kink, is not always about how it appears to those voyeuristic souls who watch and police others but rather is about how it feels to those participating in it. People play Master/slave games and live it to the hilt, drawing the line between reality and fantasy thinly. Non-kink people probably find that M/s model deeply disturbing and yet there are people who enjoy it and need not apologize for their preference. I’ve encountered a black woman who gets off playing the white man’s slave. Who am I to criticize her choice?

    Lots of folks get their tails in a crack about lots of things that don’t appeal to them, then later find themselves hugely turned on by it. At first, that might be disturbing. It might always be disturbing, untidy, and not fit one’s painfully crafted self-image. Casting fate to the wind and delving into the darkness can be dangerous but also very freeing.

    Don’t all of us get a thrill sometimes being bad, doing things we shouldn’t?

    • But we’re not racists and resent race play being equated with it.

      Yes you are. But chill the fuck out, because so am I, and so is everyone else. Also, whining and crying about how being called a racist hurts your feelings is a waste of everyone’s time. You know what really hurts? Dealing with racism every single day of your life and never ever getting to take a break from knowing that the police can murder you/your child/your sibling/your parent any time they like and get away with it.

      I’ve encountered a black woman who gets off playing the white man’s slave. Who am I to criticize her choice?

      Who gives a shit what she does? Racism against white people is a contradiction in terms. Black people can be prejudiced, but in North America they cannot be racist in any meaningful way. If someone were to refuse to hire me because I’m white, it wouldn’t matter. I could walk a few blocks in any direction and find someone who would be delighted to hire a nice, respectable white woman. A black person, on the other hand, deals with racism no matter where they go. They can’t just walk a couple blocks and go back to everyone assuming that they’re smart/worthy/responsible/worth hiring.

      People play Master/slave games and live it to the hilt, drawing the line between reality and fantasy thinly.

      That doesn’t magically become okay because it’s someone’s kink either. I’m down with people playing whatever games make them happy, but anything that actually prevents the sub from functioning on their own is simply not okay. Submission is meaningful in direct correlation to the ease with which it can be taken back. Submission that cannot be quickly and easily withdrawn is not submission but slavery.

      Non-kink people probably find that M/s model deeply disturbing and yet there are people who enjoy it and need not apologize for their preference.

      I’m not sure what’s unfair about that. Power exchange is dangerous and absolutely should be closely scrutinized. Any dom should damn well be able to explain exactly what they do to look after their submissive’s welfare and to prevent them from feeling pressured to agree to things that would harm them. If someone gets a clear explanation of how the dom prevents harm from coming to their sub and still thinks the dom is sick, then sure, that person is a jerk, but I think any dom worth submitting to should be familiar with the potential dangers of power exchange and have a plan for mitigating them.

      • ⛳????
        Your last point should be in all caps. The Dom sub relationship is very dangerous for a sub. It can result in drops. It mimics real life situations. The line between reality/fantasy is very dangerous.

  13. I have seen another man’s dick go into my then beloved’s pussy, and it may be the hottest thing I’ve ever experienced. It was not “cuckolding” as in any fantasy. It was part of a MFM threesome. Would I love to be denied while my current beloved or a future mistress was fucking someone else? Oh, my, yes — everything you described as hot is hot. But — no, please, I am not inadequate. I’m quite adequate, otherwise why would I be worth playing with? And keep the racism away. I crave a dynamic where my choices are limited and my mistress’ choices are not. And that leaves room for lots of different activities.

  14. “….we’re left with the delicious melty core of heightened power dynamics, helplessness, and unfairness. Showing your partner that you get to have sex with whoever you like and he doesn’t? Hot. Tying him up and making him watch, desperately turned on and with no way to do anything about it? Hot. Having as many orgasms as you want while your partner isn’t even allowed to masturbate? Hot. ”

    The above is in essence of what made up the 2 1/2 year cuckold relationship I had with NB. When we first started to explore this dynamic I had to discover myself in the mix and what I wanted and how it would work for me. What I saw and read online did nothing for me, yet I knew there was a power dynamic there I wanted to explore. NB had few boundaries, but I kept everything in line with what I wanted and our relationship was always to be in the center of everything we ventured into.

    Knowing I could have what ever man I wanted and he could only watch or listen through the phone… Hearing his struggle between anger, jealousy, fear, rejection and arousal. Knowing the thoughts that were racing through his mind and heart as he heard or saw my pleasure. It was a thrilling power play that I miss to this day! It was genuine, not the crappy, campy stuff you see online. I was always the one in charge and the after care I provided for NB calmed us both. It was always about us. The other man was only a player in our life.

    In my experience this dynamic can only work if both parties are truly wired for it and it’s an authentic part of who they are as a couple. They build it around them. Or else it becomes a cheap ride that will eventually destroy all.

    ~ Vista

  15. A couple of things, I have no experience in this area, but I always was led to believe that if you are going to allow a third person into your bedroom (or wherever) then it’s better that there isn’t too much of a strong bond with that person. Isn’t this the ‘danger’ of real life cuckolding, that the woman falls in love with the ‘bull’ and ends up leaving the ‘cuckold’ for him. Actually, the only person I know who has done this, that is exactly what happened. And yet here we seem to be saying that the bull shouldn’t be a pawn in your game.

    Cuckold porn is awful. Not least because the actors are so mismatched from the start, oh really that tattoo’d, fake breasted 19 year old is supposed to be married to that 40 year old guy? I guess there’s not so many male porn actors who are willing to eat cream pies though…

    • Just a personal take as a poly, kinky person in an open relationship. There is a difference between treating someone decently and falling in love. There is no reason that the dom AND sub can’t have a friends with benefits relationship with the bull and leave their relationship un-threatened.

      At the end of the day, either your dom/wife/girlfriend is with you because she wants to be with YOU, or she’s killing time waiting for someone else to come along. If you believe that she wants to be with you, then you have no reason to treat someone else like an animate sex toy just to ‘protect’ your relationship, and if you do believe she’s with you only until something better comes along, you have bigger problems than the ‘right’ way to do cuckolding.

  16. My first wife was a dominant women. It was just her demeanor, and it wasn’t just regulated to sex. She just had a forceful personality. She wasn’t rude or mean. I knew that going in, and accepted it, it was part of the woman I loved. She took control in the bedroom. It was a few years before she we started to cuckhold and it wasn’t the porn type Black Bull thing. She fucked men, Black, White, Asian, it didn’t matter. All she was after was a good fuck with an attractive guy. She, nor I, cared about the their skin color or cock size. The only thing she “forced” me to do was to be tied to a chair and watch, and this was only on occasion. Yes I’d get hard watching because it was a turn on for me. She obviously enjoyed herself. There wasn’t any “now you suck off my lover, you pathetic little prick” type of thing. Most of her lovers (and there weren’t that many) weren’t’t into that anyway. Everything we did was by mutual consent. She could no more force me to be tied up than I could force her to have sex with another women. She wasn’t into that. Our sex life was fantastic. She thoroughly enjoyed our sex. We divorced, but it had nothing to do with our sex life.

    • Isn’t it so much hotter when she doesn’t tie the guy up, but rather puts the moral constraint on him to watch, without pleasuring himself?

  17. I just hate how the race aspect has become so entrenched in the genre that outsiders look at cuckolding and are to believe that race is such an intregal part of it. Actually, it is you who sees the hotness in cuckolding for what it is, which is the empowerment of the female. It is a shame that the porn industry and a fringe group of race play enthusiasts have formed such hard opinions about it.

  18. Agreed on every point. My twist on it is that the woman takes female lovers. The man simply can’t compete. You would get the idea from the Tumblr I have built
    Good work and thank you for pointing out the awful racism bit.

  19. This summed up my thoughts exactly on this kink. I’m a sub man and cuckoldry is a hard limit for me. And the biggest reason for that is that the other guy is dominant over the woman. That is a complete turn off. I’m okay with the fact that a lot of people enjoy that dynamic, but it will never work for me.

    But. I am turned on by the thought of dominant women keeping harems of bi or heteroflexible sub guys. Whom they sometimes force to be sexual with one another. There is a problem in that too because culturally the receptive guy in gay sex is considered ‘the bitch’, therefore bringing in a power dynamic there too, which turns me off. So I wouldn’t seek that sort of an arrangement in real life. But in fantasy, it can be quite hot for me.

    • Damn. I’m not surprised that it’s often shitty for the black guys, but I was actually surprised at how bad it got. Actual plantation slave references–who does that??! Yuck!

      Also, I like this guy’s style and may have to look up more of his writing.

      • I know! Some of the quotes in that article blew my mind – I mean, did those women not realize they were talking to (well, at) an actual person with feelings?

        • Apparently not! I mean it sounds like they were doing the classic “eroticize what scares you” thing, but when what scares you is black men’s sexuality I feel like it’s a “stop, look at your life, look at your choices” moment rather than a “whoo, kink!” one. Yiiikes.

          • There is some pretty unusual fantasy around black bulls and black cum and the odd thing is both black and white share the same scripts. Using terms like cuckold to define a behavior is no different than using polygamy to define a behavior that is not really one man with several wives.

  20. Women have always had cuckold men for a variety of reasons, more sex or just fun. I define cuckold as the women does it and her man accepts it. It can mean a woman has a lover or that the woman makes her cuckold participate fully such as licking her after the action or during. In any case the woman has to dominate her man and he has to submit and accepting your wife fucking other men is the ultimate demonstration of submission. Most of the women want to protect their property from other women like them and they want to feel secure with their man and if your man will lick another mans cum off you he accepts you beyond doubt. Most of the women I know who own cuckolds are nice normal people who do not seem very scary or dominant but they all can identify a man who will submit when they desire . They tend to treat their man very well and even mother him when they are not fucking his brains out. Forget the fantasy because real cuckolding exists and will not go away as long as there are women and men.

    • accepting your wife fucking other men is the ultimate demonstration of submission

      No, it’s your ultimate demonstration of submission. For other people, it might be a demonstration of how little one of them cares about the other – have you never heard of the “if you never get jealous you must not care” trope?

      If you enjoy cuckolding that’s cool and I’m happy you found a kink that works for you and your partner, but let’s not pretend cuckolding is the be all end all of kink.

      • Some cuckolding is kink for sure but others is just a way people live much like polyandry or polygamy and the ultimate kink is whatever turns your crank

      • I agree. For many if not most practitioners in the cuck game, it’s the ultimate show of dominance over her. I wouldn’t go so far as to say it’s a perversion of the more common female rape fantasy, from the male perspective. It can be pretending to be sumbissive, but may really be a way of loaning out “your woman” like a pimp, and hiding behind a curtain of voyeurism and submissiveness. If you really want to see the ultimate show of submissiveness, bend over and take that bull. Oh, see, that’s where the game ends for the fake chuck, isn’t it?

  21. Mod note: did you seriously fucking come to a dominant woman’s blog and say “Know your fucking place woman”? Not too bright are you.

        • If a woman is dominant her place is where she wants it to be. True cuckolds do not have a choice because the woman does what she desires and the cuckold either accepts it or not. If the woman dominates her cuckold man she can do as she pleases and make him do as she pleases. To be a cuckold a man must know about his wife having other men and or the public must know else it is just cheating. A man may start of as a reluctant cuckold but become more accepting of his position and more involved in the womans activities and may end up enjoying servicing other men and cleaning and other things he once thought was disgusting.

  22. These are some powerful thoughts, that I’ve never seen put on paper, so to speak. It’s a shame it’s not the primary focus of the femdom and fetdom kink. It’s unfortunate the worst elements of each kink are what bubbles to the top, and “defines” it. That causes people to keep searching for a definition of what they are, and how they are, if THIS clearly isn’t it. I submit to the female because she is heavenly in most every way that any real man would admit, if he weren’t raised by a mysoginist father in a largely mysoginistic society. Tease me. Deny me, within reason. It’s why I worship you and put you on a pedestal like a princess. But I’ll be damned if I’all be humiliated or shamed. If you want a woman and want to tease me with watching, I serve you. Want me to watch you seduce and safely ride a hot guy on vacation that we’ll never see again? I’m OK with that. But I won’t suck his cock or fluff him for you so you can humiliate me. It might be different if it just turned you the fuck on. But you won’t berate me in front of him, or berate me for pleasure. I’m subservient to the glory of the feminine mystique and beauty. I’m not a doormat. Now if it pleases you to have me worship you in heels, that’s fine, but you’re not digging any heels in my balls, princess. I would never be pegged for humiliation. But if it turns you on, m’Lady, everything is negotiable. Within reason. I know someone that was black cuckolded, by multiples in an orgy. And trust me, it was all about him and he was the dominant, she the submissive, proven by the fact that they kept doing it AFTER she no longer found it erotic or enjoyable. That’s male domination masking itself as submissiveness. If bondage and chastity adds serious kink for you, m’Lady, bring it on. I’ll let you know where my boundaries are. We’ll discover them together. You won’t dictate them to me. But that BD is for us, and it doesn’t mean the SM has to enter into play. If you want to spank my ass, and it makes you wetter and makes you cum bigger, we can consider it, but there are limits and boundaries, and you’ll know that it’s not my thing, I submit only if it really heightens your pleasure extensively. The reward justifies the risk. And it’s important that you draw distinction here between submissiveness being a scene and a kink, vs. a lifestyle. I am a Type A personality. I am not a switch. I don’t get off on the power dynamic shift. I just enjoy heightening your enjoyment. I enjoy worshiping you, and putting you on that throne, because it’s where I feel you should be. I feel right with the world when you are there. I don’t believe it diminishes my power or my rights or my manliness in the least. Sir Lancelot was far from a sissy, as am I. I am your pet and your manservant, not a cur for you to kick or abuse. If you want a sissy, go get a sissy. If you want a man that loves a woman, and pleasing her, I”m just what the doctor ordered. Queen me, my queen. As long as I have a face, you have a place to sit. I don’t expect or demand reciprocation. I appreciate it, but it’s not my main goal. I don’t want to be a monk, but Good things come to those who wait. And giving is a much more powerful emotion, in sex and in gift-giving. It’s difficult to define these feelings and desires and pleasurable kinks in fetdom and femdom terms, that are widely accepted and understood by everyone. Submissive is too broad a word, so is pet. Manservant is closer. What’s the male version of a handmaiden? A handmister? Attendant? Steward? Worshipper? Butlers take care of their men, but they don’t take abuse or mistreatment. They’re surely not racists. Let someone threaten my queen, they’ll see how much of a sissy I am. They have a surprise coming. Nothing against sissies, mind you, it’s just not my kink. Anyway, thanks to everyone for the honesty and clarity here. It’s much needed in this domain.

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