I can’t stand ‘forced’ feminization. Here are the big three reasons why:
1) It assumes that wearing panties is inherently humiliating. Being a woman, I generally wear panties – they’re a convenient way of keeping the seam of my pants from abrading my junk, and they don’t give me the unbelievable wedgies that boyshorts do (seriously, how do guys deal with wearing boxers?). It should surprise no-one that I’m just the slightest bit offended by the idea that the clothes I wear every day are humiliating. People have tried to argue that it’s not that the panties themselves are humiliating, but the fact that men aren’t supposed to do girly things like wear panties. Is the idea that *being* a woman is so awful that merely playacting it for the space of a scene is humiliating for a man seriously supposed to be *less* offensive? Seriously? Just fuck off.
2) It assumes that submission and femininity are the same thing. No they are not. Equating submission with femininity is what stupid people do because they can’t deal with the idea of a big strong man submitting to a wimpy little woman. Because the natural order of the universe is that men dominate and women submit, remember? Even in a subculture defined by its flouting of cultural norms (hitting people is bad, power differentials are bad, calling people names is bad, etc, etc), it’s vitally important that we continue to act out the exact same gender dynamics we see in the vanilla world. Why? Shut up, it just is. What, you don’t see the point of escaping one box just to climb into another one and lock it behind you?
3) It’s not forced. There’s a reason I insist on putting quotes around the forced part of ‘forced’ feminization. If your partner is actually forcing you to do things you don’t enjoy on any level that’s not kink, that’s abuse. I think it gets called ‘forced’ feminization because male cross-dressers have an understandably hard time coming to terms with their desire to cross-dress. I sympathize, but I am in no way interested in taking the blame. Same with ‘forced’ bi – if you want to suck some cock, great! I’m still not going to be the awful nasty woman who made you do that horrible dirty thing that you totally didn’t want to do and absolutely have not fantasized about for years.
Also, communication is kind of a big thing for me. Honesty is kind of a big part of communication. If you can’t be honest about what you want (no Mistress, I’d hate to wear your panties, it would be humiliating and I wouldn’t enjoy it at all, but it would make me feel really submissive), we just can’t communicate well enough to play together. It may be hot to be ‘forced’ to do things, but it’s absolutely not hot to accidentally harm someone because you couldn’t communicate clearly about what you both actually wanted.
To be clear, I’m not ranting about men who just enjoy cross-dressing, and work it into their scenes because it’s fun. I’m also not talking about men who enjoy playing with gender, and who might happen to use a scene as a safe space to do so. Because of my attraction to masculinity, those things don’t necessarily do it for me, but that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with them or that there are no women are turned on by gender-play. Acting like wearing women’s clothing or acting like a woman is inherently humiliating, on the other hand, is hugely offensive.