Kinky hierarchies?!

Apparently some people actually believe there’s such a thing as a kinky hierarchy, in which some doms are more dominant than others and get to boss the less dominant people around. As an aside, I imagine there are also a lot of topless pillow fights in all girl dorms in this fantasy land.

If you have anything at all going on between your ears, it should be obvious that this idea is completely fucking ridiculous. A hierarchy, really? Next thing you’ll tell me is that there really are secret European houses.

When you’re face to face at an event, nobody gives two shits who is supposedly more dominant. Decent human beings don’t order each other around if they don’t already have an agreement in place to relate to each other that way. If you show up at a play party and assume you get first dibs on the equipment because you’re the domliest of them all, you’re really not going to have a good  night. You can get away with that shit on the internet, but in real life no one is going to be impressed.

The one place that I know of where this kind of hierarchy actually exists is in some families in the leather community. My understanding of leather is that everyone starts at the bottom and some people decide to become masters. That’s not for me but I do respect the values of the leather community. However, strict leather families where junior masters follow orders given by senior masters seem to be a pretty small part of the whole kink community.

On the other hand, a depressingly large part of the kink community (by which I mean more than zero people) is made up of poor deluded schmucks who are terribly attached to the idea that some people in the kink community somehow outrank others. How do you even measure who is somehow ‘more dominant’ anyway? I’ll make you a deal: if you can get the International Bureau of Weights and Measures to define a standard unit of dominance, I’ll treat ‘who is more dominant?’ like it’s a meaningful question. Until then, fuck off.

Even if there was a way to measure and rank doms, it still wouldn’t matter. BDSM is not a competitive sport. You can’t win at being a perv anymore than you can win at having a picnic (although come to think of it, competitive full-contact picnicking would be fun to watch). I firmly believe that the point of both picnics and kink is to enjoy yourself. If you’re not having a good time, does it really matter that some random jackass approves of your selection of sandwiches?

By the same token, if my partner and I enjoy my very low key style of dominance why on earth would I care whether some dickbag thinks they outrank me because their slave girl is trained to assume slave position #43-a when she requests permission to use the bathroom? If you honestly believe that doing things I don’t enjoy for the sake of appearing stereotypically dominant would somehow make me more dominant, you’re too stupid to be here. Go play with the youtube commentors, you mouthbreathing fuckwit.

14 thoughts on “Kinky hierarchies?!

  1. “people actually believe there’s such a thing as a kinky hierarchy”

    Wait,, if there’s no such thing as a kinky hierarchy, how I figure out how to get to the top?

    “BDSM is not a competitive sport.”

    Then how the hell am I supposed win?

    Everything you say here is very disturbing to me as a Super-Dominant-Fuckwitted-Mouthbreathing-Dickbag.

    P.S. I outrank you.

  2. Now I am imagining a tournament. With brackets and everything! Whichever dom gets all the other doms to show their bellies is the supreme master of DOM!

    I think I’d pay to see that, actually. Does that make me a mouthbreathing fuckwit as well? Is their a hierarchy of mouthbreathing fuckwits?

    • I would love to see a supreme dom tournament! I’d never compete in one, but oh that would be quality entertainment. Just imagining the commentators makes me happy 🙂

  3. Now I am imagining a tournament. With brackets and everything! Whichever dom gets all the other doms to show their bellies is the supreme master of DOM!

    I think I’d pay to see that, actually. Does that make me a mouthbreathing fuckwit as well? Is there a hierarchy of mouthbreathing fuckwits?

  4. Son of a gun!

    Not only did I use a homophone incorrectly (second their should be there), but I double posted!

    I should take my skillz to the comment sections of news articles….

  5. Full contact picnicking … that sounds like fun. Especially if the prize is cleaning up the mess with the tongue of your choice 🙂

    In all seriousness, though – your posts are full of win.

    xx Dee

  6. Wonderful commentary – thank you! The insistence in some quarters that i must use a person’s self-designated top title[1] when speaking or referring to them really irritates me. If someone style themselves Lord High Sanvalvwag of Hollop, they can expect me to just refer to them as ‘Sanvalvwag’ (maybe ‘San the man’ once we know each other a bit better 😉 ), unless i have explicitly agreed to enter into their hierarchical world. Similarly, although i expect my property to address me as “m’Lady”, i don’t ask anyone else to do so. Let’s start as equals, and take things from there.

    [1] Or title supposedly bestowed upon them by the Most Ancient All-European Templar Order of the Golden Dawn Illuminati.

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