Spite week: sacred moon time my pasty white ass

Weirdly, I fucking love this ad:

Doing anything but lying in a sad little heap cuddling a heating pad and grimly swallowing painkillers while you’re on your period is pretty fucking badass and people who menstruate deserve more credit for that.

I don’t actually want to be mean to the weirdos out there who for some reason enjoy bleeding from their genitals, so I’m going to put the rest of this post behind a read more tag. If you’ve ever un-ironically said “sacred blood,” don’t click through.

Sadly, on the article where I saw that video some fucking hippie who was clearly tripping balls replied to a comment about how that video was very different from the usual terrible cliched ads with:

True but another form of patriarchy, brainwashing women away from the sacred inner journey to the holy grail of your womb’s sacred blood. Read my response. I started moon lodge classes over 20 years ago

Sacred blood? Are you fucking kidding me, motherfucker? I bleed from my fucking crotch! That’s not sacred, it a week of unrelenting fucking agony! And in case you didn’t know how much periods suck, heres’s a fun fact for you: menstrual diarhhea is a thing. Clearly a solid calendar week of agonizing cramps didn’t suck enough, and worrying about bleeding through my tampon didn’t suck enough, I also get to worry about whether or not I’ll make it to the bathroom before my bowels totally betray me. Good times!

Well, before I beat that motherfucker down with Depo Provera, anyway. Better living through modern chemistry, at least if hormonal birth control works for you. I pity the poor bastards who definitely have endometriosis (I wouldn’t be terribly surprised if I have it but as long as I don’t bleed I don’t hurt) and can’t beat their periods down with hormonal birth control like depo or the Mirena IUD.

Anyway, given the months of misery my period has caused me, I have one and only one thing to say to the strung out motherfuckers who say they enjoy their periods: SHARE YOUR FUCKING DRUGS. You must have some fucking amazing drugs if you think bleeding from your crotch and enduring brutal fucking cramps for a solid week is a good time and if you were a decent human being you would fucking share. I’d enjoy my period too if I got to spend it too fucking high to tie my own goddamn shoelaces, so once more for the cheap seats: SHARE YOUR FUCKING DRUGS OR SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT YOUR MAGICAL MOON TIME.

Oh, and extra props for people who also feel dysphoric about this fucking bullshit on top of the plain old physical misery. That extra sucks and periods already really fucking suck.

2 thoughts on “Spite week: sacred moon time my pasty white ass

  1. Ahaha! Glorious rant is glorious.

    Mine’s not awful-awful, but I would be completely happy to never have to deal with this particular quirk of biology ever again. Messy and ouchy at the best of times. No woo for me. (Was on a version of the pill that meant no periods for a couple of years [except when I skipped pills, which of course I did, because ADD] and that was lovely. Always wanted to try Depo but it never happened. These days, a menstrual cup is a friggin’ godsend. I know it doesn’t work for everyone, but it changed my experience of periods from a week of bloody diapers to a largely set-and-forget thing. It’s so nice to find something that works, and I am 100% behind everyone finding something to make it all less of a pain in the ass. Whatever that method is.)

    And honestly, sometimes I feel like the “ooh, woo~ magic moon goddess flower petals and joy” stuff is as patriarchal as medicalizing it. I mean, I guess it works for some people. But if we’re all supposed to love it because female bodies are all pretty and graceful and shit…yuck.

    Also, that’s a pretty great ad. Hell, how often in ANY commercials do we get to see women muddy and bloody and physically triumphant? I like it a lot.

    • Yes! Seconding that “magical moon time” shit could definitely fit in the purview of benevolent sexism. If someone prefers to think of their period as sacred etc then I support them, but to tell ALL uterus-having people that we have to think that way smacks of “wimmenz are soft and intuitive and connected to nature and emotions!” which by extension means that men are the rational, logical ones, which fuck that.

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