Today’s thing-that-irritates-me is the idea that women don’t like porn. We fucking love porn, we just don’t like shitty porn that has apparently been designed to be as alienating to us as possible. One of the things we like is fanfic, which is largely written by women for women.

Before I get into specific fic recommendations I want be clear about fandom etiquette. If an author wants constructive criticism, if they want to hear about typos or what doesn’t work in their story or whether their characterization was off, they will fucking tell you. If they do not specifically ask for that kind of feedback, then you have two choices: you can be nice or you can be quiet. The world will keep turning if you don’t hassle some poor fanfic author about a fucking typo. And no, it shouldn’t be necessary to say any of that but there was a thing a couple years ago and people were dicks and damned if I’m going to let that happen to some of my favourite authors.

On to the porn! Today I’m going to recommend a bunch of fanfic by astolat, who is awesome and extremely prolific, and conveniently gave blanket permission to link to her work.

Only Begotten. This one is a delightfully filthy crossover between the TV shows Lucifer and Damien. Fair warning, this contains technically-incest-I-guess (does it really count if it’s between imaginary divine beings and they didn’t know the other one existed until they were adults, though?) between Lucifer and Damien. Oh and it involves a lot of gay sex, if you hadn’t already guessed.

A person might reasonably ask why I started by recommending a fic containing incest (even technically-incest-I-guess). I’m trying to make a point here: woman are filthy perverts and we like fucked up porn and we write fucked up porn.

Also I think it’s funny. Possibly my sense of humor is a little weird. And I really do just like that fic, it’s a really nice blend of filthy porn involving some very pretty men and serious emotional satisfaction. It’s really not going to have the same impact if you haven’t watched those shows (although I’ve only watched Lucifer and thought this fic was pretty fucking great), but if you have, oh man. Lucifer of all people swearing never to abandon Damien? I am so here for that. And Chloe yelling at Lucifer for being a pervert even though she doesn’t believe he’s actually Damien’s father? Hilarious, it’s so great.

Fealty. This one is a Person of Interest fic. This one has more d/s themes, and it’s a bit of a slow burn but definitely worth it. Again, serious emotional payoff in addition to the porn. There’s a very, very clear reason you should care that these two men in particular are having sex, which immediately puts it head and shoulders above the majority of mainstream porn.

Mercy, a Stargate Atlantis fic. This one has some d/s themes too, which is obviously my jam 🙂 There’s not an enormous amount of plot, but that’s really not the point now is it. It does, however, rely on knowing who the characters are to each other for emotional impact.

Oblivious, another Stargate Atlantis fic. This one isn’t especially porny, but there are some fun sex scenes and it’s worth reading just for the last line. Seriously, read it.

Blooded Crown, a videogame fic this time. This one comes from The Witcher 3, which I haven’t played yet but who knows if I’ll ever get to it, so don’t worry too much about not spoiling me in the comments. Anyway, in this fic Geralt and Emperor Emhyr have quite a lot of inventive sex as part of a clever plot to thwart another clever plot to kill Emhyr’s heir. Aside from the porn, which is totally worth it, it’s a lot of fun seeing Emhyr being clever and Geralt being grumpy about it and also good at killing things. All of astolat’s Witcher fic is great, but that one is my favourite.

Give those a read, have a look at the numbers of hits and massive numbers of comments on the more recent fics and tell me again how women just don’t like porn.