Bonus spite: more music

Why? Because I can 🙂

What kind of sorcery makes a fucking recorder sound good?! For those who’ve been spared the misery, a recorder is a terrible wind instrument given to small children to make awful high pitched squeaking noises until a nearby adult snaps and hides it forever.

This is how you make a song with few and repetitive lyrics actually sound good. Serena Ryder, I hope you’re taking notes. Stompa was so good, how did you fuck up so badly with got your number?

Normally I hate remixes but this one is actually really good.

I’ve had this song stuck in my head for ages, now you will too >:)

Just listen to everything REZZ has ever done, she is fucking amazing.


How to arrange a gangbang as if you’re a fucking grownup

Not so long ago some stupid creepy fuck in my area posted a personal ad that convinced multiple people he was trying to get some poor girl raped. That creepy fuck fucked up so badly that I very strongly and very bluntly agreed with someone I can’t stand just to have a chance of protecting someone from that loathsome asshole.

On the upside, there is something we can learn from Creepy McRapester and his creepy, rapey thread. But first, a bit of a disclaimer:

It is OK to fantasize about being the subject of a gang bang. It is OK to get off on it. It is OK to plan to actually do it. It is OK to go through with that plan. It is OK to be super fucking turned on by anonymous sex. Absolutely none of that makes you a bad person or in any way means you could ever possibly under any circumstances deserve to be harmed.

What’s not okay is to so profoundly fuck up your planning that it’s a near certainty that someone will get raped. To be absolutely 100% clear: IT IS NEVER OKAY TO RISK RAPING SOMEONE FOR A SCENE. NO SCENE IS THAT IMPORTANT. NEGOTIATE IN PERSON LIKE A MOTHERFUCKING GROWNUP YOU STUPID FUCK.

Okay, we’re all on the same page now, right?

If you want to set up a gang bang or abduction scene (or a two in one), it is simply not that complicated. Oh, here’s another disclaimer: I have never done this and probably never will. However, I have the vaguest hint of a concept of common sense which is really all you need to make sure nobody gets raped – yes, gangbangs are never perfectly risk free but neither is having a shower. Seriously, it is not that fucking complicated.

First of all, the gold standard of consent is to talk with the bang-ee IN PERSON. You absolutely must be able to identify the person who wants to be surprise gang-banged WITHOUT A SHADOW OF A DOUBT. IF THERE IS ANY DOUBT WHAT-SO-FUCKING-EVER DO NOT RAPE HER. You absolutely must be absolutely certain about what she wants to happen, what she doesn’t want to happen, when it should happen, where it should happen, how to tell if she’s not having fun anymore, who to call if she’s not having fun anymore, how to tell she if is having fun, and for shits sake you had better fucking know what her safeword is.

Okay, but maybe her fantasy is to not know who is coming for her. Again, wanting that does not make her a bad person.

And again, it’s really fucking simple (not easy, but simple) to do this safely. First, she needs someone she can trust absolutely. This should be someone she has known for multiple years and played with many times. This person should then look for people they have known for multiple years and have watched play many times and above all, people whose former partners have good things to say about them. False accusations are near-universally bullshit – you are more likely to win the lottery than be falsely accused of rape, you are more likely to die of alcohol poisoning than to be falsely accused or rape, you are more likely to be killed by an asteroid or comet than you are to be falsely accused of rape, you are more likely to become an NFL player than be falsely accused of rape, and finally, men, you are 82-MOTHERFUCKING-THOUSAND TIMES MORE LIKELY TO BE RAPED YOURSELF THAN TO BE FALSELY ACCUSED OF RAPE. So let’s not pretend false rape accusations are a thing – if your ex partners accuse you of assaulting them, it’s probably because you fucking assaulted them. If you’re arranging a gangbang for someone you presumably care about, why the shit would you take any unnecessary risks? Choose people you know are safe goddammit.

Once you find these people who you have known for years and have vetted the shit out of (convince your female friends you will believe ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING they tell you, then ask them for the real dirt on every one of those guys. Women share all kinds of things with each other that they don’t bother to tell men because it’s not worth the hassle of explaining to some douchebag that no, a short skirt does not mean you’re asking for it what the fuck is even wrong with people), you talk with them in excruciating detail about what your friend wants to happen, what she doesn’t want to happen, when it should happen, where it should happen, how to tell if she’s not having fun anymore, who to call if she’s not having fun anymore, how to tell she if is having fun, and what her safeword is.

Sure, the longer you’ve known all of those men the more likely your friend who wants a gangbang has met some or all of them, which does kinda ruin the anonymity part. That’s kinda just too fucking bad. If anonymity is that important, wear a fucking mask. Or cultivate a deep years long friendship with someone who lives in another city, and have him recruit people from his circle of friends who he has known for even more years and trusts absolutely.

Note that I have not mentioned recruiting total fucking strangers as an option because that’s fucking idiotic. The best case scenario is a totally unacceptable risk of the gangbang-ee getting raped, and the worst case scenario is a near certainty of her getting raped. DON’T FUCKING DO IT. What kind of worthless asshole takes a stranger’s word that that girl over there who he has never talked with in person totally wants to be ambushed and gangbanged, no for really real, she totally does? Get back in your dumpster where you belong and never touch another human being again.

While arranging a gangbang is never risk free, it is simply not that complicated to minimize the risk of the gangbangee getting hurt. It is totally okay to want to be gangbanged or to be part of gangbanging someone, but it is absolutely not okay to fuck it up to the point where you convince multiple people that you are trying to get someone raped. GET YOUR FUCKING SHIT TOGETHER.


Why yes, I read this post by Ferrett ages ago and am only just now getting around to blogging about it 🙂 The gist of it is that if it comes up naturally, he’s going to talk about how great his other partners are and if that’s a problem for you then you shouldn’t date him.

That seems pretty reasonable, right? I mean, if you never want to hear about your partner’s other partners, wouldn’t you want to know that this new guy is likely to squee about his partners before you get attached? That’s why I was surprised by the amount of pushback in the comments. According to a bunch of people, it’s terrible to warn people about stuff that might be a dealbreaker for them before they even start dating you. Yeah, I’m confused too.

Using myself as an example, I swear a lot (which I’m sure comes as a terrible shock to my regular readers). Even if I were willing to rein that in for a friend or play partner (which I’m not, but that’s a separate issue), they would have to accept that I would occasionally fuck it up. If you don’t like to hear any swearing at all, I am simply not the right person to spend time with. Now, if I waited until you were attached to me to spring that on you, that would be a dick move at best and coercive at worst. But if I tell you right up front that I often swear, now you can make an informed decision about whether to spend time around me.

I fully understand that some people don’t like swearing and they have every right to decide what kind of language they want in their life. I’m still not willing to change the way I talk. If you don’t want to hear any swear words, we’re just incompatible. That seems pretty important to know up front and that’s really all Ferret’s doing. He’s not saying “thou shalt tolerate me gushing about my other partners whether thou likest it or not!” he’s saying “This is how I behave on dates. Keep it in mind when you decide whether or not to date me.”

My best guess is that what people were really freaking out about was Ferrett’s refusal to change his behaviour. I can kinda sorta maybe see the argument that not gushing about your other partners shouldn’t be that hard to do for somebody you like enough to date, but it’s fucking exhausting to watch what you say all the time. Either way, that’s who Ferrett is and it’s kind of a dick move to tell people they can’t be who they naturally are because some theoretical future partner might not like it.

Lots of people are incompatible with each other for all sorts of reasons, I just don’t see what’s such a big deal about that. And you know, I wish more people were that open and honest about stuff they do that’s not going to change. I mean, how many awful sad stories have you read about people who’s partners told them they could change, only to slowly and painfully figure out that actually they couldn’t change and eventually that killed the relationship? Kinky guys who thought they could ignore it, I’m looking at you. Seriously, if someone tells you about an issue that’s a dealbreaker for you before you even start dating them, that’s a fucking gift and you should be grateful, not pissy. Blunt discussions of dealbreakers forever!

Readers, how do you feel about dealbreakers? Would you rather hear about them before you get attached or do you want a chance to get to know people and make decisions on a case by case basis?

Is kink inherently sexual?



Okay, that’s a pretty boring post on its own, I guess I could elaborate 🙂

Credit where it’s due, this post is inspired by an email from a reader ages and ages ago that I obsessed about until it had been so long since I got the email that it would just be weird if I finally replied. If you’re still out there reader, this is for you and I’m sorry I’m kind of a fuckup 🙂

Anyway, for some people, kink is sexual. For other people, it’s not. I kind of don’t understand how this is even a question because obviously kinky asexual people exist, so there’s definitely something going on there besides sexual turn-ons.

If you say that kink is inherently sexual for absolutely everyone, you’re being an asshole. Other people, asexual or not, can have very different experiences (I swear Andrea Zanin once wrote a post about how she discovered that non-sexual kink was still satisfying to her after a health issue made it painful to do anything sexual, but fucked if I can find it again). Just because you like things one way doesn’t mean everyone else does.

I mean, how is this even news if you’ve graduated from kindergarten? I can’t stand cilantro (it tastes like soapy green death to me), but I understand that other people love the stuff. I need large amounts of time to be left alone to play videogames or otherwise screw around on the internet, but I understand that other people need to be around people. I love fall, other people love summer, I love genre fiction, other people love non-fiction, I write a blog, many other people don’t even like reading them, etc, etc. It’s not any sort of surprise that different people like different things outside of kink, so why are we pretending it’s a surprise that different people like different things inside of kink?

Even if kink is sexual for you, that doesn’t mean you can’t also have fun doing not-explicitly-sexual stuff. For me kink is closely tied to my sexuality, but I still enjoy the hell out of playing with other women (I’m straight, in case that never came up) in a non-sexual way. Honestly, women are great to play with – I enjoy reactions no matter which gender of person they come from, and women are fucking great at recognizing that I’m a person too and not pushing to make the scene purely about what gets them off.

There’s just something deeply satisfying for me about getting to beat on someone. Pain noises are great and I enjoy those too, and obviously I’d feel like an asshole if my partner wasn’t getting anything out of the scene, but there’s something else, some nonsexual thing that I’m not sure I can describe, that I get out of topping. It’s a bit like having had a really great meal, where you got just what you were craving and now you don’t need any more.

Just like kink isn’t fundamentally about sex, it’s not fundamentally about pain either (although some jerks certainly do have trouble with that concept). For some people it’s not even about their connection with their partner, which is bizarre to me because if I don’t have some kind of connection with the person I’m playing with I just can’t be bothered. Other people aren’t exactly like me and that’s fine, we don’t have to play together if we’re not compatible.

Play how you want to play, and absolutely say no to things that don’t work for you, but please, be a fucking grownup about it. Just because kink is sexual for you doesn’t mean it’s sexual for everyone.