The other day a very sweet reader (as an aside, the people who comment here and email me are so awesome) asked me if I had any fashion advice for submissive men, and I didn’t have much of anything to tell him. I’m hoping that my readers can help out with descriptions of that they like in a man and links to men’s fashion resources, because I don’t know much of anything about fashion and I can only ramble about what turns me on. Other women’s tastes are obviously going to be different.
My tastes in men’s clothing fall into two contradictory categories – clothes that show off a man’s body and clothing like suits and uniforms that tend to conceal it. By ‘clothes that show off a man’s body’ I mean things like shirts that are a little bit tight around the upper arms and shoulders (mmm, shoulders), and pants that actually hug a man’s ass instead of hiding it. Since I’m a straight woman, it should be fairly obvious why I want to see men’s bodies 🙂
On the other hand, suits and uniforms hide the body pretty thoroughly, but I still think they’re hot. Part of that is that they’re seen as masculine, which I think is hot, and part of it is that I really enjoy fantasizing about reversing the power differential a uniform implies. That is, you’d expect whoever’s wearing the uniform to be in charge, which just makes it more fun to strip a man out of said uniform, have my way with him, and leave him in a sweaty, shaking heap. Also, ties just look like leashes to me 🙂
Unfortunately I’m not sure any of that is especially helpful to submissive men hoping to attract a dominant woman. Short of wearing a collar or a tshirt that says ‘submissive’ on it, clothing (especially casual clothing) does a very bad job of signalling whether you’re dominant or submissive. All of the clothing I like could signal ‘look at how manly and dominant I am’ just as easily as ‘I wanted to look good for you’.
On the up side, pretty much any attempt to look good for my pleasure is going to do it for me. I think it’s adorable when men worry about pleasing women. They don’t even have to be especially good at it, it’s just cute that they tried.
What about the rest of you, what do you like to see a man wearing? And does anyone have any fashion resources for submissive guys?
As a submissive I dress to compliment the dominant I am with. I try to let the dominant shine. For instance if the man or woman I am with is wearing black and red, I wear only black and keep jewelry minimal. If the dominant wears vivid colors I wear nuetrals to ensure the stand out. I keep jewlry to a minimal and wear makeup enough to flatter. This is how I dress unless I am told otherwise. Men can do this as well. Or a man can dress in his Lady’s favorite color. Either way clothing should be apropriate, should fit well and flatter, and should be neat and clean.
I would think the clothing being clean is just common sense though. Atleast I hope. And all of this is of course unless you are told otherwise and applies to my personal relationship experience.
-Me
If I’m going out to a munch or whatever, I just dress nicely. I don’t think it is necessary or even a good idea to try and signal your role with your appearance alone.
When I’m going to see my top, I tend to choose outfits that make me look wholesome and innocent.
clothes that show off a man’s body and clothing like suits and uniforms that tend to conceal it.
and
pretty much any attempt to look good for my pleasure is going to do it for me. I think it’s adorable when men worry about pleasing women.
*laughing* Yes! and for the same reasons. It’s so adorable!
I don’t know that dressing well or badly would signal D/s preferences, but usually what people want to learn about when they ask that question is not about fashion, but style, which is more about finding and wearing what looks good on them.
Not to worry, style is something you learn and develop.
Style resources for men: books by Flusser (advanced), and Reddit’s Male Fashion Advice (basic to advanced) are some good resources. (here’s hoping I get the link right on the fly!)
Business casual or a polished casual is a safe and can’t-miss option: button-down shirt, nice belt, dark jeans or pants, and shoes to match.
Try things out, see how they look, get second (female) opinions. Men’s magazines probably have some good tips but I’m not much of a magazine reader, and I’m sure there are other books out there for style advice.
Learn to develop an eye for what looks good on you and exercising it. Your personality helps shape your preferences, and remember that you want the clothes to direct attention on you, not the clothes.
Personally, I like anything from casual to formal depending on the occasion, but dressing well can definitely make a guy stand out for me.
I recall one casually dressy outfit that got my attention more than the suit the other guy was wearing was a lavender dress shirt tucked into light gray dress pants, with a tan belt and shoes. The reason I remembered it so well was not just the color combination, but because the shirt showed off broad shoulders and nice arms without straining or bagging, the belt showed off his trim waist, and the pants showed off a very nice rear view without being too tight. Everything fit just right and looked good, *and* he was cute to boot!
Ties always look like built-in leashes to me. 😉
There’s an extraordinarily simple fashion tip that would help about 50% of men: TRY ON THE CLOTHES BEFORE LEAVING THE STORE.
No, seriously. You have no idea how many men just skip that step. They look for “their” size (as if size is actually a rational thing that’s the same from garment to garment or designer to designer (HA)) and take it off the rack and go directly to the checkout counter.
TRY IT THE FUCK ON YOU LAZY BASTARD.
Even better: many dressing rooms have a three way mirror. LOOK AT THE WAY YOUR ASS LOOKS IN THOSE PANTS.
I tell you, it is a major source of sadface for me that so many fabulous man-butts are hidden in the male equivalent of an ass-burqa. SADFACE I TELL YOU. If it looks like a featureless mass back there, put the pants down and back away slowly.
Second, if you try on a pair of pants, put your shoes on. For those of you who often find that the part of the cuff that’s behind your heel has been chewed away by stepping on it for a few months, that means you need to buy pants with shorter inseams. On a slushy, rainy day, walking in with pants whose cuffs you have been mashing into the dirty, slushy sidewalk…NOT SEXY.
Darling Lily, not all guys are lazy bastards just because a lot of them are unaware of the importance of trying on clothes before buying. Most women know this before they cut their 1st tooth, but since women and girls are taught to shop whereas men are taught to buy, they don’t know this. We can teach without criticizing.
I knew I forgot something…well-dressed guy? Was shorter than I normally like, and I didn’t even care. I didn’t notice at first, actually!
@Lily TRY ON THE CLOTHES BEFORE LEAVING THE STORE.
OMG. Please tell me you are having me on…
it is a major source of sadface for me that so many fabulous man-butts are hidden in the male equivalent of an ass-burqa. *laughing* Best use of burqa EVER.
@Lily TRY ON THE CLOTHES BEFORE LEAVING THE STORE.
OMG. Please tell me you are having me on…
I wish that were true, but unfortunately a lot of guys see too much attention (i.e., any) to clothing as unmanly, so they pick something off the rack that looks to be “about right”.
Tom, I don’t even…that would explain a lot, though. Sadly.
I could get into the socio-economic aspects of this, but *most* guys don’t pay that kind of attention to what they wear because they’ve been socialized to think that it’s too foppish. Guys that have enough money to spend on those outrageously expensive clothes advertised in GQ care, but they’re usually too proud to admit it. At some point some of us will realize that properly fitted clothes make us more attractive, but we have to overcome years of thinking otherwise.
Truthfully, even I still don’t want to take “too long” trying on a jacket or looking at my butt in pants in a store, so I dont’ appear to be vain or metrosexuaal or whatever.
Sadly, it’s absolutely true. I had a whole long response for this when it first posted, but I couldn’t quite describe the problem except via imperfect analogies. I think Lily pretty much nailed the basic issue: most guys’ clothes don’t FIT. They are not fitted— and I don’t mean they need to be tight, I just mean, they’re notaware of/related to the specific body underneath. And then they compensate by slightly- to grossly-oversizing everything. Sadz everywhere.
If I had to give a quick and dirty rule, it woule be: Guys. Wear smaller clothes.
That’s it. Seriously.
Considering how dire the problem is, I might even go so far as to say get the closest fit you can stand. When you try it on— which is not optional— it’ll probably feel too tight. However, you have no idea what you’re talking about. Ask a salesperson if it’s too tight.
Oh, and: flat-front pants, always. Pleats… just no.
I see guys asking this question a lot and honestly, I don’t see the point. Stabbity likes men in uniforms. I’ve been dreaming of a man in a floor-length skirt and corset with no shirt. For all we know the asker isn’t into either look and would feel horribly self-conscious if he wore those things.
My advice to any sub looking to be attractive to dominant women is the same as I’d give to a dude looking to be attractive to women in general (since dominant women are not a different species):
-Ask people what colours you look best in.
-Figure out what style of clothing you feel most like “yourself” in (business casual? Suits? Goth? Jeans and t-shirts?).
-Do some research online to figure out what exactly is trendy in your chosen style right now, and what cut of clothing works best on your body type. If the two answers conflict, forget about the trends and target things that’ll look good on you.
-Buy the items you’ve decided would look best on you, in flattering colours, and make sure they fit well. Get second or third opinions from friends and store clerks.
Ta-da! Now we have a dude who looks the best he can possibly look, not one who’s trying to conform to the opinions of a bunch of wildly different women who might not be the type he wants to attract anyway.
Sorry if this post is coming off a little harsh, but I constantly see subs asking about “what dominant women like” as though we’re a hive mind and it pisses me off. And there really is no mode of dress that universally says “I’M SUBMISSIVE” unless you want to wear a ball gag and wrist restraints everywhere.
I hate the ‘ask the hive mind’ questions so much. Especially the ‘how can I tell if a woman is dominant without putting on my big boy pants and asking her?’ questions.
That drives me nuts too. For fuck’s sake people, there are no cheat codes to get you around having to tell people what you’re into and risk getting rejected And ball-gags are actually a huge turn-off for me. There’s just no way for submissive guys to win 😉
My advice to any sub looking to be attractive to dominant women is the same as I’d give to a dude looking to be attractive to women in general (since dominant women are not a different species)
I agree. Different women, and different dominant women, will have their preferences in how they like their men to dress.
I didn’t see the reader request as a question addressed at dominant women as a hivemind, though, but more as an, “I’m completely clueless about what to do, but I want to, so where do I even start, generally speaking?” type of question.
I read Stabbity’s sharing of her preferences as a personal perspective and an invitation for contributions that showed the spectrum of preferences that her commenters (whether dominant women or not) women had, but I freely admit I could have read it wrongly.
I like uniforms, too, though, and what is a suit if not a uniform of sorts? 🙂
That is what I was going for, but I’m not sure I did the best job of explaining it. I was hoping enough commentors with different preferences would show up to make the point that no matter what you wear, some people will think you look great and other people with think ‘….meh’.
I don’t know of any way to signal one’s d/s position by clothing. Well, apart from a “story of O” ring, but not everyone knows what those mean. Dressing well will be seen as more attractive though, so it always increases the chances of finding someone compatible.
I very much agree with the “try things on” advice. That’s why I don’t often buy clothes online. Fit is extremely important. For example, let’s say you buy a blazer off the rack, and it fits pretty well. But if you spend a few extra bucks to take it to a tailor after you buy it, it’ll make a *big* difference.
Another solid rule to follow is that it’s better to be slightly overdressed for an occasion than slightly underdressed.
As a bonus, when you look good, your confidence goes up. It’s worth the effort.
For resources, just searching online for terms like “men’s fashion advice” or “men’s style guide” will yield tons of results. Then it’s just a matter of sifting through the results and not taking any one single site or article as the absolute truth.
Asking for advice from friends (especially those whose fashion sense you admire, regardless of gender) is another fantastic idea. Just bear in mind that it’s best to get input from multiple sources.
I didn’t see the reader request as a question addressed at dominant women as a hivemind, though, but more as an, “I’m completely clueless about what to do, but I want to, so where do I even start, generally speaking?” type of question.
I read Stabbity’s sharing of her preferences as a personal perspective and an invitation for contributions that showed the spectrum of preferences that her commenters (whether dominant women or not) women had, but I freely admit I could have read it wrongly.
This all seems entirely feasible. I may have been reading the post through rage goggles a little bit.
Either way, I did give advice and I think it’s useful advice. So I don’t feel too bad. 🙂
“TRY IT THE FUCK ON YOU LAZY BASTARD.” Yeah Lily is right, but I don’t like trying stuff on either.
“My advice to any sub looking to be attractive to dominant women is the same as I’d give to a dude looking to be attractive to women in general” Yes to this, Perversecowgirl. I might add, dress to be “attractive” in general — to everyone. By attractive, I mean clean, collected, neat, and in stuff that fits well.
Yes… but! I hate clothes shopping. I rarely even go to stores to buy clothes — I buy almost everything online.
With that said, my $0.02, which echos some of what’s been said.
1. Go to a store, once. Find a pair of khaki pants, a pair of jeans, a t-shirt, and a button down shirt that fit (yes, you’ll probably have to try them on).
2. Take them home, then go online and buy the exact same brand, cut, and size, only in different shades/colors.
3. Stick to basics and neutrals. Grey, black, white, brown, tan, dark blue (jeans).
4. Stay neat — wear clothes that fit, are clean, aren’t worn out or stained, aren’t wrinkled beyond belief, etc.
I have always had this internal rule when I was single: I want my partner to be able to run into an old enemy from school, show me off, and walk away feeling smug. I *never* went out in T-shirts; if I wore jeans, they were neat, unstained, and fit my ass. I usually wore oxford style shirts, a belt, and actual shoes – not the old Keds that were covered in paint.
I’m not much different even now. When I go out with my wife to some event, I wear a sports jacket and a button-down shirt (even if I have jeans). I rarely wear a T-shirt, although I sometimes wear a tank-top to show off my arm and shoulder muscles; not a big deal to you young’uns, but when you’re with people in their 50s and 60s, they tend to be more, umm, fleshier. And when people ask me about why I work so hard biking, working out, dieting, etc., I make sure to tell them that I want to keep Mrs. Edge interested in me.
And here’s the point that often gets missed: She likes being able to show off to her friends that she’s worth (or that I think she’s worth) the time and trouble to eat right, dress well, and to stay in shape, even after 20+ years of marriage.