In which Stabbity tries to be nice and deeply regrets it.

First of all, I totally stole the idea of posting my sent messages from Ferns. You should read her sent emails category, it’s really funny if you can stand being sad for humanity. Second, I do have a point in posting my side of this (unbelievably terrible) exchange aside from just yelling about ignorant fucksticks who think I’m a life support system for a whip.

me – written about 22 hours ago:
Wow. That was pretty terrible, but I’m having a good day and I’m feeling charitable. Would you like to know what you got wrong or would you rather I just block you? It’s up to you.

me – written about 22 hours ago:

That’s not really an answer. Do you want to know how to not completely fuck up next time? I’m willing to explain it if you convince me you can learn.

me – written about 22 hours ago:
Alright, let’s give this a shot. First of all, stop calling me ma’am. My name is Stabbity. I’m not your dom, you’re not my sub, there’s no need for titles unless we agree on them.

Second, you’ve made it painfully clear that you haven’t read a single word I’ve written in either my personal ad (it’s linked toward the end of the about me section of my profile), or my blog (also linked on my profile in the websites section). Try reading both my personal ad and a few of my blog posts, those will give you some very strong hints on what you’ve gotten wrong.

I want you to learn but I’m not going to spoon feed you the answers, you’ve got to do a little work on your own

me – written 25 minutes ago:
FUCK OFF I AM A HUMAN FUCKING BEING NOT A KINK DISPENSING ROBOT.

The part that really makes me want to flip tables is that miserable waste of space who sent the list of fetishes that inspired me to yell at and block him a solid DAY after my message about reading my goddamn blog. An entire day to think and he, in a good friend’s words, “Just bursts right in cock first again.”

There are a lot of fucking moronic myths out there about the relative numbers of submissive men and dominant women, which I’ve yelled about before and undoubtedly will again. What a lot of guys don’t seem to realize is that while there is certainly no shortage of self-centered shitbags who call themselves submissive, the quality of the competition is fucking dismal. The asshat who inspired the “exchange” (is it really an exchange when you’re obviously talking to a wall?) above is only slightly worse than usual.

Once more for the cheap seats: the asshat who inspired the “exchange” above is only slightly worse than usual.

Submissive guys, I am not kidding. That assclown is pretty normal in terms of messages I get from people who haven’t read my blog (people who actually have read my blog usually send me really nice messages that make me feel all warm and fuzzy). He is your competition. If you can’t stumble over that bar, then quite frankly you deserve to die alone.

Oh, and the truly terrible irony? One of the kinks in the do-me fetish list in his last ever message to me was one of my very favourite kinks. If he hadn’t been such a towering asshole, I would have been thrilled to do that with him. It’s like compatible kinks aren’t enough or something. Of course, the other kink in his drive-though order was something that would be completely out of the question even if I liked him because I’m in a monogamous relationship. My profile only says I’m fucking married right up top. And my (slightly outdated) personal ad contains the exact words “Why does my potential submissive’s gender matter when I’m not going to be having sex with him?”

And yes, I do have the wildly bizarre idea that someone who supposedly wants to serve me should maybe read my fucking personal ad or, you know, a single word I’ve written anywere anytime on any subject ever. Do you really think actually serving me in any meaningful way is going to be less work than doing a little reading? Oh wait “service” actually means “worship my penis as is your place as a lowly feeemale” (yes, you should read that last word in a Ferengi voice). My mistake. God fucking forbid I should assume someone who says he wants to serve me actually thinks I’m a person.

Ordinarily I’d wait a little longer between terrible Fetlife message and vitriolic blog post, but shitheap here could not possibly have made it any more obvious he has never and will never read a single goddamn word I’ve ever written, so it’s not as if he’s ever going to notice or care that I think he’s a total waste of space.

For the rest of you, take heart! This sad bastard is out there making your most half-assed messages look good. If you so much as consider possibly thinking about reading a woman’s profile before you message her, you are fucking golden.