I was at a couple of whisky tastings recently, and I noticed some surprising parallels between enjoying whisky and enjoying kink.

First of all, and I freely admit I’ve been very lucky here, at all the tastings I’ve been to the person leading the tasting has told us that what’s important is drinking the whisky you like, the way you like to drink it. If you like the 10 year old version of a whisky better than the 16 year, drink the 10! If you like your whisky with some water or ice, drink it that way!

That definitely carries over to kink. If everyone involved in your scene is having fun, you are doing it right. Who gives a shit if you don’t have a super serious scene or don’t have totally rigid power dynamics or don’t do anything especially flashy? The only thing that really matters is that everyone has a good time (or has a bad time in the way they meant to 🙂 )

In kink, like in whisky, there are certainly snobs out there. Plenty of people will tell you that it’s wrong to put ice in your whisky or to make a cocktail with it. They can all fuck right off, it’s your whisky and your kink and you should do what you like with it. Some people will tell you that you need fancy glassware or whisky stones to really enjoy whisky. I personally drink mine out of a plain old rocks glass. Glencairn glasses are pretty and all, but I enjoy my whisky more if I can stick my face right in the glass and breathe it in.

You’ll run into plenty of people in kink who think you’re not a real kinkster if you don’t have a bunch of expensive toys, as if those matter at all if you aren’t playing with the right person. Toys are fun and I recommend getting a good flogger if you like flogging and can afford one, but it’s not like you can’t have plenty of fun with a few dollars worth of stuff from the dollar store and a little creativity. Plus, if you enjoy reactions it’s awesome to see the look on people’s faces when you pull something totally bizarre out of your toybag 🙂

Just like in kink, there’s actually a huge variety in whisky. Heavily peated whiskies are very different from lighter, smoother whiskies that have been distilled more times are different from whiskies that have been aged in sherry casks are different from whiskies that have been aged in port casks are different from whiskies that have been aged in newer barrels are different from whiskies that have been aged in older barrels and on and on.

If you don’t like heavily peated whisky, that doesn’t mean whisky just isn’t for you. There’s lots of other stuff you can try that might be more your style. Same with kink – not everybody wants a hardcore impact play scene, and if that’s not your thing there are only about a zillion other things you can try. You’re not any less a whisky drinker or a kinkster if you know what you like and stick with that.

Whisky, like kink, can be pretty intense. I’ve been drinking it for a while and cask strength whiskies still mostly taste like burning to me. It took me a while to learn to appreciate the differences between even normal strength (~40% alcohol) whiskies. If it takes you a while to get into it or to find the thing you like, that doesn’t mean you’re not a real whisky drinker. I know of one person who didn’t enjoy whisky until she tried pairing it with chocolate, which helped her make sense of what she was tasting.

If it takes you a while to get into kink, that doesn’t mean you’re not a real kinkster. If you only like some things, or only like them in certain combinations (for example, it’s really common to only like pain when you’re already turned on), all that means is that you figured out what you like. Good on you for figuring that out, you can’t very well tell people what you want if you don’t know yourself.

Go forth and enjoy your kink and your whisky however you damn well want!