Every once in a while I get an email or a comment from some pathetic fucking mouthbreather who has some absolutely shocking news for me. I would never in a bazillion years have guessed what they told me.
Are you ready? Make sure you’re not eating anything, you could choke on it when you gasp in shock.
Okay, here goes: I’m not very nice!
It’s okay, it was a huge shock to me too. I don’t know how I managed to write over 90,000 words (according to the Word Stats plugin, anyway), without figuring it out, but you know, I am only a girl. Clearly I can’t be all that bright.
The truly sad part is why these snivelling manchildren felt compelled to tell me what a big meanypants mcpoopyhead I am: apparently if I were just nicer, more people would listen to me. That’s some idiotic bullshit for so many reasons.
First of all, people who don’t like what you have to say will always, always find an excuse not to listen to you. There is absolutely no level of niceness that will make a racist shitstain, for example, listen when you say that maybe cops should stop murdering black people. It’s not your level of niceness that’s preventing them from listening to you, it’s their racism. Given that simple fact, where exactly is my motivation to tiptoe around asshole’s poor hurt fee-fees? If you don’t like the way I write, don’t read my blog. There are only around 74 million other sites on wordpress alone (not all of those are necessarily blogs, but it seems pretty likely that a large portion of them are).
Also, it’s just funny that (so far) I’ve only heard this particular brand of whining from men. I thought women were supposed to be the emotional ones, and here you little shits are crying that reading a few swearwords is so awful that you couldn’t possibly be expected to see my actual point. Which one of us is being emotional again?
Second, I fucking know my writing isn’t for everyone. If I gave a flying fuck at at a rolling donut about this wider audience that I’m supposedly alienating (you know, the ones who wouldn’t listen to me anyway), I would already have changed the way I write. People, I’ve been writing this way since 2011. You can safely assume that either I’m happy with the results I’m getting or that I’m too stupid to understand the connection between cause and effect, in which case nothing you say is going to make a difference. In both cases, it’s pretty fucking clear that your message is about you, not about me. You know where things that are about you go? That’s right, on your own fucking blog!
Third, it’s like none of these people have ever read the goddamn blog they’re whining about. How on earth do you read a post like “Forced” Feminization and think that I’m going to give a shit if you don’t like me? Or my post about cuckolding? Or my post about how there are clearly too many women on Fetlife? Or my post about dumbinants behaving badly? Or basically anything I’ve ever fucking written? If you’re going to waste time whining and crying about a blog post, actually reading it first is literally the least you can do. If you paid any attention to the awful nasty words on the page, you would be able to figure out that I’m not here to be liked. My blog is for me, not for you. I allow comments because most of my commentors have interesting things to add, not because you have any sort of right to squirt your verbal diarrhea on my blog and expect me to leave it there.
Finally, it’s just unbelievably pathetic to whine about my tone and pretend it is, ever has been, or ever will be about some imaginary failure to get my point across. That particular flavour of horseshit is well known as concern trolling, and it is fooling absolutely no one. Honestly, I’d respect you little shits more (not much, but more than I do now) if you would just fucking admit that I make you uncomfortable and you want me to shut up. We all know that’s what this is really about. You’re talking about what a big poopyhead I am because you don’t have anything even vaguely resembling an argument and you fucking know it. If you really care about my point getting out to people who are such pathetic little babies that they can’t deal with a woman who won’t kiss their asses, you are absolutely free to write your own “nicer” (read, watered down to the point of blatant asskissing) post inspired by mine. We all know you won’t, because that would imply I have something worthwhile to say, but there’s absolutely nothing stopping you from posting your own “niceified” versions of my posts.
Again, for the those in the back: I know not everyone will like my writing style. I don’t fucking care. Neither do you, if you’re honest. Just admit I make you uncomfortable and if you absolutely have to whine about it, do it on your own blog and don’t waste my time.
I do know people who are absolute arseholes and try to cover it up by saying they’re just giving you straight talk, telling it like it is, and the only way you could be offended is if you’re one of those horrible people they’ve been vociferously insulting for the last six pages. I even know people who do that under the mantle of social justice. (Including one who stalked a friend of mine for several years, while claiming it was all the other person’s fault.)
This blog, though? This blog is…a normal opinion blog. Sometimes those are emphatic opinions and sometimes people (gasp!) disagree with you and you argue right back. You back up your opinions, you don’t get into grudge-fueled feuds with other bloggers, and the comment section isn’t a cesspool of toxic backbiting. A few swearwords? Pshhh. Your complainers clearly have never seen a really scary website! 😛
Anyway. I like it here. 🙂
Ugh, I know exactly the kind of people you’re talking about. I dated one for entirely too long and have zero patience left for that bullshit. I think there’s a pretty clear difference between rational and justified anger at being treated badly (to use the classic example, if I step on somebody’s foot, they’re not obligated to be sweet and polite about telling me to get the fuck off their toes), and meanness for the sake of meanness that assholes try to call “honestly.”
But if I do cross that line I hope people will call me out on it. I’m all over viciously mocking assholery, but I don’t want to actually hurt people who aren’t doing anything wrong.
I have a theory that being a dominant woman is somehow linked to being a sadist. I don’t know why those two distinct traits come hand in hand in example after example, but I have observed they are almost always together with the dominant women I am exposed to on the internet.
Maybe the sadists are more vocal. Maybe there are so many of them it can be hard to find non-sadist dominant women with a fetish kink if you will.
I think because this is hard to find on the internet, and all submissive men can actually find and comment on are sadistic doms; then they end up reading and commenting where they can.
You are totally clear and upfront that you are a sadistic dom and so you are absolutely right; no one has the right to wine on your blog about your writing and about your personality in general. You are honest and upfront what people will find on your blog, so you should be free from off topic posts.
But, maybe what is happening is that non-masochistic sub males are on your blog due to the fact that you are a good writer and they are drawn to dominant females in general. As they are not masochistic, they will obviously be a misfit for your blog and so their comments grate and annoy you.
Not sure if this is what is happening or not, but thought I would post why/how this same sort of dynamic has happened to me.
Sean, you’re projecting. This blog post has nothing to do with your own, perfectly legitimate, and perfectly realistic search for a non sadistic dominant woman. The comments Stabbity describes have nothing to do with readers complaining about the author being ‘sadistic’ to readers.
Not all readers of this blog are men. There is zero ‘sadism’ or ‘masochism’ going on here between writer and readers. I’m a woman, I’m not masochistic in the least, and I enjoy reading this blog.
The complainers Stabbity refers to in this post are complaining about her not being soothing to them when she describes real problems, which negatively affect her and other real people. Please look up ‘tone argument’. Silencers direct the tone argument at writers who address real problems all the time. They use a cowardly silencing tactic as a substitute for addressing the content.
I have to agree that this post doesn’t seem to be about sadism at all, but about posting style. Two different things.
(And I’m a queer lady reading a straight woman’s blog, for what that’s worth!)
Exactly!
The idea that I’m having some sort of scene with my readers kind of creeps me out, to be honest. The only relationship to all of you that I’ve agreed on is that I’m willing to have discussions about my posts with people who have something interesting to say and are willing not to be total douchecanoes about it.
What on earth are you talking about? This post has literally nothing to do with kink or with my d/s orientation or my with readers’ d/s orientations or anyone’s kinks. Honestly, did you read any of the words I wrote up there?
You can’t separate words from author. You said it so of course it has to do with you.
I think Ranai already responded to my post, and her point was well made. That is why I didn’t respond as she was probably right on.
Oh my fucking christ. Not everything I say has anything whatsofuckingever to do with my kink.
Here’s a very simple example. I like wine. I think wine is tasty. I’m sort of a hobbyist wine nerd. I like going to wine tastings and I get excited about going to dinners with suggested wine pairings. If I write a post about wine, does that have anything to do with my kink? If I talk about how most pinot noirs taste kind of thin to me and if I’m going to drink a red I’d rather have a malbec, does that have anything to do with me being a sadist?
No it fucking doesn’t because I’m a person, not a cardboard cutout. I AM MORE THAN MY KINKS. Read that a few times until it sinks in. I am more than my fucking kinks. I am more than this tiny little box that you’re trying to shove me in by denying that I have any thoughts, feelings, opinions, or interests that aren’t directly connected to my kinks.
Oh hey, here’s another example. I already wrote a post about webcomics that has nothing to do with my kink. I deliberately left off comics like Fluffy Bunny Domination and BDSM Bad Advice because I was trying to show that I, and by extension other dominant women, have interests that have nothing to do with our kinks.
Tell me, what does my obsession with the latest storylines on Questionable Content have to do with me being a dom? What does my squeeing over the cute cat stories on Chaos Life have to do with me being a sadist?
Have you never in your entire life had an interest or an opinion or anything to say that wasn’t about you being submissive? Of course you fucking have. How about assuming I’m a human goddamn being with multiple interests as well.
I like the content of this blog a lot. It addresses real issues that affect me, and affect people I care about.
If I only liked the content of the writing, but the style in some way bothered me too much to read it, I simply wouldn’t read. No way would I feel entitled to complain about tone.
Yay for people who would react rationally to things they don’t like!
I fucking love you. I worship you (from afar, not in a creepy non-consensual way). When I grow up I want to be you.
😀 😀 😀 I’m totally doing a dorky little happy dance over here because I’m pretty sure that’s the first time anyone has said that to me.
So spot on! I fucking love this blog! (…and by extension Stabbity).
Aw, thanks 🙂 I do love being appreciated for being the sweary meanypants that I am.
I like that definition of concern trolling. “The intent is to derail, stifle, control, the dialogue.” That can get dangerous pretty quick.
Even I don’t agree with everything you say, but I know how to click away XP It’s not my place to tell you what you can and can’t say on your own personal blog. lol
I’ve been described as intimidating, told to smile more, and stop cussing. People frequently think I’m rude and mean and whatnot; but I DON’T CARE. Lol my life shall not be spent trying to make you feel better!1
Don’t like, don’t read. You do you.
Funny how often that happens to people who are read as female (I’m guessing by your display name that you’re a lady-person, let me know if I got that wrong). And by funny I mean misogynist dickbaggery.
Honestly, I think it’s good when people don’t agree with everything I say – that means you’re thinking for yourself instead of thoughtlessly trusting some jerkface on the internet who is undoubtedly wrong about all sorts of stuff.
Exactly! It’s not possible to make everyone like me and even if it were there would still be at least a thousand better uses of my time.