Access

Bafflingly enough, some people say they “don’t believe in” blocking or banning people. I don’t understand that even a little bit. Why on earth would any random person have a right to my time and attention?

My time belongs to me, not you. I am not a charity for poorly socialized assholes, and even if you’re not a jerk, I still don’t owe you shit. Not an argument (even I occasionally remember that being invited to an argument doesn’t mean I’m obligated to attend), not an explanation, not a slowly and painfully spoonfed lesson on why no dominant woman seems to want to give your sorry ass the time of day.

I do enjoy feeling helpful and I think it’s important to encourage submissive men who don’t act like complete assclowns, so it’s not that I’m not willing to deal with people at all. If I didn’t want to interact with anyone, I’d close comments on my blog. What I want, and what I have any absolutely inalienable right to, is to choose who can contact me. If we’re not going to have any sort of give and take, if we’re not going to have an interesting discussion, if you’re not going to ask interesting questions that would make good blog posts, or if I don’t even get to feel helpful because you’re a lost cause, then you don’t get any (more) of my time. And no, there’s not going to be a “debate” about who is a lost cause. The only person whose opinion matters there is me. Try to keep up with the tour 🙂

That’s also why I ban people from the comments here if I goddamn well feel like it. If you have something worthwhile to add, great. If you’re racist, misogynist, homophobic, transphobic, or whatever other variety of asshole, then you don’t get free storage on my site for your worthless drivel. If you’re just in completely the wrong place and are too stupid to know it (protip: don’t come to a female dom’s blog looking for a male dom. Sure, it could happen, but you could also, say, look for a male dom where male doms hang out) but not actively hateful then you get to leave maybe one or two comments before you get blocked. If you want to post what you want, when you want, get your own fucking blog. On my blog, you add something either pleasant or interesting or you fuck off.

If you get blocked, chill the fuck out. I often block people not because I’m angry at them but because I’d rather watch paint dry than talk with them ever again. I’ve seen people on twitter assume that the person who blocked them felt attacked, which is often not the case. Blocking doesn’t always mean “jesus fuck you’re an asshole,” it can also mean “that was boring. Let’s not do it again. Ever.” It might also mean “I saw how you behave online and I’m going to save us both some time by blocking you now.” Dude who cross posted the same desperate personal ad in a dozen groups, I’m looking at you. Just because we’ve never directly interacted doesn’t mean you can’t still convince me that you’re a total waste of my time.

If you don’t believe in blocking or banning people, then what you’re saying is that everyone has a right to your time and attention. My time has a value, it is not available to every random asshole who comes across my profile. If you don’t value your own time that’s a shame but it doesn’t mean I’m wrong to value mine. Go right ahead and think I’m a big mean poopyhead, I’ll be over here doing something I actually enjoy instead of wasting my time on people who have nothing to offer me.

4 thoughts on “Access

  1. There’s a guy local to me who loves to come to my profile and comment on my posts with derails, inbox me with arguments, come to a munch or party I am attending and pull me aside to chat about whatever interests him – the guy acts like a minor league troll in every respect.

    I’ve never blocked him on Fetlife. All his comments are gone from my posts because he has deleted every one of his six or so previous profiles.

    Eventually, his posting history adds up to “Asshole”. And he wants to be seen as a fine upstanding member of the community, respected. But in reality he’s an asshole. So he has to delete his assholery and move on.

    Your point about time taken is great. Beyond that, I have to be careful not to let the guy rent space in my head. Because, bad tenant, and to your point, he never pays the rent. He wants my time and attention but what do I get for it? Less than nothing – I get harassed. I get abused.

    • Beyond that, I have to be careful not to let the guy rent space in my head.

      Good point. Quite a bit of the yelling I do on my blog is so I can get it out of my system and not let people (or terrible ideas) take up space in my head without even paying rent.

      That guy sounds like a tremendous asshole. Sorry you have to deal with him.

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