Be A Man

Every so often, some knuckle-dragging throwback to the stone age decides that her her sexual taste for bottoming/submitting gives her the right to speak for all women, and posts some unspeakably stupid drivel about how a ‘real man’ is supposed to act (and by extension, what a ‘real woman’ is supposed to want). Sometimes this shit gets posted on fetlife, sometimes it ends up on the good men project. Either way, it fills me with rage. Not only is it extraordinarily insulting to tell me that either I’m too stupid to know what I really want or I’m such an abject failure at being a woman that I should just go on Testosterone and get top surgery already, but it’s actually abusive to tell submissive men that they are such failures at being men that no ‘real woman’ will ever want them.

If it’s not okay to bully women for failing to perform femininity ‘correctly’, then it’s not okay to bully men for failing to perform masculinity the way you prefer. If you don’t like random strangers telling you to smile, or how pretty you’d be if you’d just put in a little effort, then kindly shut the fuck up about how men are doing it wrong when they act like they care what women want. Newsflash: men aren’t psychic, and it’s not fair to ask them to be. In the absence of a woman having the ovaries to take the bizarre and unprecedented step of asking for what she wants, the only ethical thing for a man to do is to go slowly and tentatively try things until he figures out what his partner likes. Lori Ann Lothian, your problem is NOT that men aren’t manly enough. It’s that you’re a spineless child who thinks that communicating like a grown up will ruin your fantasy.

Fuck you and fuck your bullshit about what it means to be a woman. It’s great that you know what you want in a man and what kind of sex you like. It’s fucking stupid that you can’t understand that not all women want what you want, and that *gasp* not all women are submissive. I have just as much right to ask for my kind of man as you have to ask for yours. You and your ‘real man’ can fuck right off, I want nothing to do with either one of you gender-essentialist wastes of space.

Here’s the real way to be a man. I know it’s the real way because it turns me on, and obviously what turns one woman on does it for absolutely all of us, no exceptions. I, uh, don’t know how queer and/or asexual women are supposed to fit into this stupid gender-binary straight jacket, but who cares about what people other than me want? I’m obviously the only important one. Me me me ME!

Without further ado (but with plenty more sarcasm):

Be a man and let me make the decisions. I’ll tell you if I want you to perform the service of making a particular decision for me.

Be a man and learn my preferences so that you can make good decisions for me when I ask you to. Notebooks and/or spreadsheets may come in handy. Tools are manly, right?

Be a man and lean on me when you need to. Real men admit it when they’re having a rough time.

Be a man and give me some space to initiate sex. I can’t jump you if you always jump me first.

Be a man and let me know how much I turn you on. Tease and denial isn’t any fun if you just wander off and play World of Warcraft all night.

Be a man and beg me to hurt you. I absolutely love that, and thanks to the female hive mind I can be sure all other women feel exactly the same way.

Be a man and do what you say you’re going to do. Lying is for the ladies! (thanks roo-roo)

Be a man and submit to me. Men who want to dominate women are doing it wrong and are destined to die alone, missed only by their many cats. Get over your vagina envy, learn your place, and maybe some woman will take pity on you and show you how a real woman loves a man.

I’m deliberately being a little bit ridiculous, but insisting all men should be dominant is just as stupid as insisting all men should be submissive. How about we stop letting people get away with that shit?

8 thoughts on “Be A Man

  1. So many people confuse their personal preference with some sort of universal truth. They just can’t understand why everyone else doesn’t feel exactly the same way they do. Unfortunately this “real men do x and y…” thinking was the way of the world for a long time, and it’s still pretty frequently hammered into our heads from a young age. The only way I know of to fix it is constant, steady effort on a local level. The more people who get the word out and spread new ideas, the faster change will come.

  2. I love this! Thank you for finally having a straight forward blog for public reading. I realize I am here way after this was started but I love your ribbons and lace free approach! I finally feel like I met a blogger who is a lady and makes it ok to hate pink! I am submissive and a female but my dominant is a female as well. Thanks again for not making women into a cookie cutter mold

  3. Hey, I have recently been frustrated with people projecting their ideals of “feminine” and “masculine” on me. If it’s not someone telling me that all female doms are just “bratty subs” then it’s someone telling me that I should get a sex change because I act “masculine” or wondering if I’ve had some awful traumatic past to make me hate men, thus making me want to be dominant (as if something awful must’ve happened for a woman to want to be dominant, after all it’s in their nature to be submissive ) Needless to say I am infuriated at these ignorant statements. I’ve been in agony, chronically angry, frustrated and literally nauseous. Then I found this blog/website/whatever it is.
    Every article I’ve read here so far I have loved, but I especially love this one. I read the whole article, getting a nice solid chuckle out of it. Then, out of curiosity, I clicked on the link to Lori Ann Lothian’s article. The momentary humor I got out of this article is gone, destroyed by the disgusting filth that she published. I am especially appalled that hundreds of people agreed with her, and any commenter that didn’t was attacked. My chronic agony feeling is back.
    Obviously I realize that all these people are just upfront wrong- any projection of one’s personal liking as universal truth is wrong, egotistical and selfish. But somehow I can’t get over this particular cluster of rubbish.

  4. Thank you, I’m the manliest man I know but I sure do like my woman to order me do the dishes before pleasuring her and then make me sleep at her feet with blue balls for a week. In fact one of my odder fantasies is for my girlfriend to antagonize guys and have me protect her, now that’s submission in the most dominant form! I’ve felt really beat down reading articles accusing me of being a closeted homosexual, or some pitiable, spineless, unlovable, half-man.

    • In fact one of my odder fantasies is for my girlfriend to antagonize guys and have me protect her, now that’s submission in the most dominant form!

      I like that kind of lion-on-a-leash style of submission 🙂

      I’ve felt really beat down reading articles accusing me of being a closeted homosexual, or some pitiable, spineless, unlovable, half-man.

      Ugh. The closeted homosexual thing especially annoys me. I mean, a guy talks about how all he wants to do is make his girlfriend happy and how much it turns him on when she takes charge and people assume he’s gay? Are they that stupid naturally or did they have to work at it?

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