It’s okay not to have fun

So I keep talking about how the only important thing in a scene is that everyone has a good time, and I feel like I should expand on that because what I really mean is that it’s only important that everyone feels satisfied with the scene. Sometimes people want an ordeal scene they don’t necessarily “enjoy”, or an emotional catharsis that isn’t exactly “fun.” Some people enjoy going to really dark places with their kink, and some people feel more submissive when their dom does something they don’t like at all (ex: non-masochist sub taking pain for a sadist).

As long as your scene sucks in a way you’re prepared for and were expecting, good on you. The important thing is you get something out of – you should only feel used in a good way 🙂

It’s kind of counter intuitive, especially if you’re new to the idea, but it’s totally possible to feel deeply satisfied by a scene that you sincerely didn’t like in the moment. Take our theoretical non-masochistic sub whose dom is a sadist, he might be really proud of his ability to take pain for his dom even though he doesn’t enjoy pain or particularly want the endorphin rush that comes from it. I really love playing with people who enjoy pain and are delighted to go there with me, but there’s also something extraordinarily sweet about people who say “I don’t like this thing, but I’ll do it to make you happy.”

To complicate things, people may be satisfied by scenes they didn’t necessarily “enjoy” for many different reasons. Some people straight up enjoy sensations commonly called pain and other people enjoy the endorphin rush, other people enjoy pushing their own limits, other people feel triumphant when they get through a really hard scene, others use pain to get themselves out of their heads and into their bodies, etc, etc. Hell, sometimes people just want to try stuff out and see if they like it. I believe it was Carolyn who said that she defines a masochist as anyone who can use pain to get where they want to go, and I really like that definition. It does mean you need to talk more about what you mean when you say you’re a masochist, but hey, more communication is generally a good thing anyway.

Basically, in case you cared, you have the official Stabbity stamp of approval to have scenes that satisfy you but that you wouldn’t necessarily describe as fun 🙂

3 thoughts on “It’s okay not to have fun

  1. I’m submissive, but neither masochistic nor sadistic. Jalan is dominant and both sadistic and masochistic. So scenes where she inflicts pain or has me administer it to her can be very powerful and satisfying in our D/s dynamic.

    Chastity/orgasm denial/control fetishes also make up a great example of the seemingly paradoxical enjoyment != satisfaction.

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