You’re not the boss of me!

Or, more stupid dom tricks.

Something I find spectacularly irritating is when doms think they can give orders to their subs about how to treat totally unrelated people who most certainly did not consent to being a part of their scene. For example, telling your sub he isn’t allowed to look you in the eye unless he asks permission is fine. Telling him he isn’t allowed to look any other women in the eye is douchebaggery. I’m not part of your scene and I don’t care about your eye-contact restrictions.

Even worse is when doms tell their subs what to call other women. If you like being called Ma’am or Mistress or whatever, good for you. I hate being called anything but my name by people I haven’t agreed to use a title with.

I know most guys who say their Mistress told them to do that are lying douchebags, but let’s not pretend doms never pull stupid bullshit to make themselves feel important. Another one of my least favourite stupid dom tricks is telling other people they have to ask permission before talking to their sub. You do you, but I’m not going to talk to either one of you if you pull that shit. By all means tell your own submissive, who you presumably have some kind of agreement with, to ask your permission before talking with people but leave me out of it. I am not your submissive and I don’t take orders from you.

Sometimes people do get weird, porny ideas about how subs ought to behave to everyone and how their behaviour reflects on their dom, so I’m not necessarily saying that you’re definitely an asshole if you give your sub orders about how to treat people who aren’t a part of your relationship, but I am saying that if you think about it for a couple of minutes, it’s very very likely a dick move. By all means tell your sub to be polite to everyone or to always act in a way that would make you proud of their poise and manners, just don’t fucking involve me in your scene.

Unless you’re at the sort of high-protocol party where people actually do care whether your submissive properly follows rigid protocols, I promise you nobody gives a shit how your submissive behaves as long as they’re not an asshole. Nobody who’s not a total douchebag is going to think you’re a bad dom if your sub doesn’t call every woman he meets Mistress.

Granted, I would judge someone for having a sub who was a total asshole, but that’s more of a “wow, you have terrible taste” problem than a “how dare you not train your sub properly!” problem.

To be fair, porn/erotica about worlds where how well you’ve trained your sub really does reflect on you is pretty hot, but come on. Leave the porn at home and pretend you live in the real world. If you want to do that kind of group role play, just look for other people who enjoy that. It’s not the very most common kink but it’s not exactly unheard of either, there really are other people out there you can play with. I hear there are entire high protocol conventions, maybe go to one of those.

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