Or, yet another one of Stabbity’s pet peeves.
For fuck’s sake, doms are people. Peeeeeeeople. We have insecurities and flaws and bad days and need a little reassurance sometimes JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. It would be great if I could just magically not care about someone’s opinion unless I personally respected them. That would honestly be awesome, but it’s just not how life works.
If you ever need reassurance or to have your feelings validated or just a cup of [soothing beverage of your choice] and someone to make sympathetic noises, YOU ARE STILL A REAL DOM. Being a dom does not, has never, and will never mean that you magically lose the natural human need to be reassured once in a while. It is normal to feel shitty or uncertain sometimes and honestly, it takes a braver person to admit that and ask for help than it does to hide it. Doms are allowed to need comfort!
Once more for the people in the back: DOMS ARE ALLOWED TO NEED COMFORT. You are allowed to ask people to stroke your hair and tell you that the thing happening to you sucks even if you’re a dom.
While I’m at it, it’s smarter to ask for help when you’re having trouble with something (do as I say and not as I do and all that) than it is to muddle through on your own. Your problems are not unique, somebody else has been through similar things and even if their advice isn’t right for you, they can at least offer you something to think about. And you know, if you’re wondering if you’re the only one dealing with a problem, other people probably are too. Speaking up helps all of you, so consider it a public service if that’s what helps you ask for help 🙂
Why would you fumble around alone when someone else might have a solution that works great for you? Is being the perfect domly dom supposed to be more important to me than getting shit done? I’ve worked with people who stumble around doing things the hard way when they could have just asked for advice and it’s incredibly fucking irritating. You don’t look smarter or more resourceful when you refuse to ask for help, you look like a douchebag who thinks their pride is more important than solving a problem. As the dom, isn’t it your job to set a good example? Wouldn’t you want your sub to ask for advice when they didn’t know what to do?
If anyone ever tells you a real dom would never ask for reassurance, tell them to go fuck themselves. I have nothing but contempt for the idea that being a dom means I don’t also get to be a person.