Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas everyone! Seeing as it’s the holidays, I’m here to spread good will and cheer by- ha! Let’s be honest, I’m here to rain on your parade.

Guys, I hate to break it to you, but you’re probably never going to get consensually ‘gang-raped’ by a pack of hot female doms. That fantasy seems to pretty common in femdom porn, but oddly enough you don’t see many women posting on fetlife about how much they’d like to their their hot dominant friends together to co-top their subs.

Now, I’m not saying there’s absolutely no chance you’ll ever be topped by a group of women, but if you think you’re somehow entitled to the undivided attention of a group of dominant female strangers, you’re kidding yourself. The single most likely thing to happen if you show up at a party and tell all the women to do what they like to you is for all of them to completely ignore you.

I’m all for fantasies that have something in them for me (in fact, I wish more submissive men would write things that actually turn me on), but this particular fantasy does absolutely nothing for me. I really shouldn’t have to spell this out, but the less a fantasy has in it for the other party, the less likely you are ever to act it out.

So, why doesn’t this fantasy do anything for me?

First of all, I like getting my way. If I’m going to play with someone, I want to be in control. If I’m waiting my turn, I’m not in control. If I’m worrying about not taking too long so the next person can have her turn, I’m not in control. If I’m avoiding doing anything too intense  so the bottom will be in shape to play with the next person, I’m not in control. If I only have one other co-top to worry about I can still have fun, but more than that and I’d only participate as a personal favour to someone I particularly liked.

Second, if I’m going to give someone my undivided attention, the very least they can do in return is give me theirs. Being an anonymous pair of hands acting out a fantasy does nothing for me.

Third, that whole taking turns thing just doesn’t work for me. Why would I want just a few minutes of someone’s divided attention when I can have a play partner all to myself until I’m good and done with him?

Fourth, objectification/anonymous play isn’t really my thing. I’m not interested in playing with someone I haven’t gotten to know, and I have even less interest in playing with someone who’s submitting to the room in general. If I can’t feel special, I’d rather not play at all.

Finally, I don’t share particularly well. I hardly ever let my books leave my house, so why on earth would I just lend out something infinitely more precious to me?

I’m not saying anyone is a bad person just for having this fantasy, but for fuck’s sake don’t kid yourself. If you ever get to bottom to a group of women, I can pretty much guarantee you’re being indulged, not dominated.

17 thoughts on “Merry Christmas!

  1. Guys, I hate to break it to you, but you’re probably never going to get consensually ‘gang-raped by a pack of hot female doms. That fantasy seems to pretty common in femdom porn, but oddly enough you don’t see many women posting on fetlife about how much they’d like to their their hot dominant friends together to co-top their subs.

    OMG, I’m fangirling all over the place here!

    Why are so many men presumably capable of holding down a job and operating motor vehicles, yet completely clueless in understanding why their fantasies are not at all desireable for their partners? And look, I’ve imagined it, myself, but I keep it as a private daydream, and certainly don’t expect Mrs. Edge to be quite as excited about the idea.

  2. I agree with just about everything you’ve said here, with one small divergence: I, personally, am into objectification, so if a sub was left tied up at a play party with a sign saying “do whatever you want to me” – and if he was fucking smoking hot and everyone was indeed ignoring him – I’d find it pretty hot/empowering to go up and manhandle him a little bit.

    But all those factors would have to be present (hot, clearly okay with strangers doing stuff to him, and completely alone/ignored) otherwise I wouldn’t bother. And after feeling him up a bit just for the novelty of it I’d probably get bored and wander off. Playing with strangers doesn’t do it for me. I need the connection and feedback that a known partner provides.

  3. NUMBER FOUR.
    I don’t even really care about the multiple-doms fantasy issue, I just want to say: number. four. I suppose I’m kind of freaking out OT here, but I’m so excited. I wish more women who felt this way— I knew I wasn’t alone!— would say this out loud and loudly. Number 4 is a big issue for me. It’s the ultimate source of my difficulties with both the casual-play-centered paradigm IRL (which in turn is the root of a bunch of other sub-issues) and the faceless-subs-every-damn-where in porn thing, which aaargh. Anonymity is not a universal turn-on, dammit.

    Anyway. As for the fantasy, yup, it’s pretty nonsensical. I guess the idea is that all these women will use the guy like some anonymous dildo/orgasmatron, but indeed: why would we do that? Like, women don’t all get together and share a dildo. But I can’t really say much (other than: know it’s a fantasy/don’t get it on me) since I have an extremely rich multiple-subs fantasy life! In my mind, that makes a lot more sense motivation-wise than the other way around. But then again I’m biased.

    • Squeee! I love your tumblr so much!

      There’s definitely a lot wrong with the idea that everyone enjoys and feels fulfilled by casual play. It worked for me for a while, but once the novelty wore off it just wasn’t fulfilling anymore.

      Anonymity is not a universal turn-on, dammit.

      So very true. What does it for me is taking someone who I know very well is smart and capable, and treating them like they’re nothing but a toy for me to use.

      But I can’t really say much (other than: know it’s a fantasy/don’t get it on me) since I have an extremely rich multiple-subs fantasy life! In my mind, that makes a lot more sense motivation-wise than the other way around.

      That does make sense. I can easily imagine a submissive man being turned on by being treated like one of an interchangeable set of human ‘toys’, but it’s a lot harder to imagine a dom being turned on by being treated that way.

    • @workneverover

      OMG squee! I love your tumblr!

      I need to see that face. There’s basically no point for me if I can’t see the effect. And nothing beats face. (And I want all of it— even blindfolds are a little sad-making for me.)

      No way am I giving him a way to hide from me! That’s the whole damn point! And given the option, I always want to conceal my own reactions. I just do.

      YES.

      @stabbity
      Anonymous casual play is novel for a while, but gets old, fast. I’m a reaction junkie. I need to know the person, see their reactions, get the feedback loop going.

      Merry Christmas! *runs off to finish Xmas shopping*

  4. I have NEVER met a Dominant who was interested in playing with another Dominant. To me this is right up there with a three way with twins (gross incest) and my personal favorite bisexual women automaticly willing to sleep with other women when they have a boyfriend/or the other way around with a girlfriend.

    I get this one a lot. I don’t sleep with women or men when I don’t know them. Ugh seriously. Didn’t your mother’s ever tell you to “Put that down! You don’t know where s/he’s been!!” Lmfao!

    Another great entry! Keep em comming. I love this blog!

    -just A Slut

    • Ha, that’s an awesome point. Whenever I go off about the inexplicably-acceptable twins-fantasy thing I explain that as far as I’m concerned, if A is having sex with B, and B is having sex with C, then A is having sex with C therefore no. And maybe that’s at work here a little bit for doms who prefer/require sexual play (meh, don’t quite know how to phrase that. play including a sexual component).
      Like, sharing a session/sub with another dom would be sooortakinda something like having sex with that person, I think. For me.
      Sort of.
      Point is, close enough that no.

  5. Oh, and the other thing the average sub guy can’t seem to grasp is that the dominant women in his fantasies are figments of his imagination and therefore under his control. These imaginary women aren’t “doing whatever they want to him” – they’re ultimately doing whatever he wants to him.

    So, surprise surprise – if the “tied up and left for random doms” scenario happened in real life, the doms might not do any of the things he’s fantasized about! They might do things that bore him. Or disgust him. Or hurt him in a not-good way. And there’s a chance they might not all look like Jessica Rabbit in a minidress.

    There’s nothing wrong with having fantasies like that. What bothers me is how many guys forget that real women (the ones outside their imaginations) are actually people, like with their own desires and opinions and stuff, and not just tools to make their dreams come true.

  6. There’s nothing wrong with having fantasies like that. What bothers me is how many guys forget that real women (the ones outside their imaginations) are actually people, like with their own desires and opinions and stuff, and not just tools to make their dreams come true.

    ;puts hands over ears:

    LALALALALALALA

    I CAN’T HEAR YOU

    LALALALALALA

  7. Am I weird because as a submissive man, I don’t fantasize or dream about being topped by multiple women simultaneously or in series, anonymous or not? It isn’t a scenario that does anything for me. I want a connection and emotional intimacy. Am I misidentifying myself when I say I’m submissive? Because I don’t dream of leather/latex/PVC-clad dommes judging me from atop their 6-inch heels, either. When I play with someone, I worry whether she is getting at least as much out of it as she is putting in (at least to the extent I can form such high level thoughts when I’m floating). I want to see a smile (maybe a devious or mischievous one sometimes, but not always) on my partner’s face, not a scowl, when we’re playing. I want to be with someone who wants to dominate ME, not just any random guy off the street.

  8. Merry Christmas everyone! Seeing as it’s the holidays, I’m here to spread good will and cheer by- ha! Let’s be honest, I’m here to rain on your parade.

    First thing I read this morning, and I laughed out loud. Bravo. I thought you were turning a new leaf!!! What a fool I was!

  9. This kind of scene does happen in real life; I recently wrote about a 4-on-1 scene I was a part of. But this type of thing is far more common among people who do casual play. For that reason, only people who play casually are likely to enjoy something along these lines.

    You’re right, the bdsm community is much more populated by people who do casual play than by those who don’t. And I imagine that can be incredibly frustrating. For me, the people I play with outside of my relationship generally aren’t random, anonymous strangers- They’re friends I know and spend time with, so there is still some form of connection and trust there. However I don’t submit casually. When I play with others, it involves sensation but not submission.

    The vibe for scenes like this is different. This type of scene is more often lighthearted and playful, even if it is intense. It’s a combination of having social time with the others, watching a scene, and playing; while obviously not enjoyable by everyone there are quite a few who get into it.

    I think you summed up the distinction rather well in saying that if someone feels entitled to this, they’re delusional. The 4-on-1 scene was to celebrate a special occasion, not a frequent type of scene. It’s fairly common to see multi-top scenes at parties and events, but again, it’s not an everyday thing.

    Another key element holding back a lot of the subs online is that for this kind of scene to happen, you first have to be a well-adjusted adult and have your affairs in order. If you get to know people in your local community and aren’t just coming to munches in an attempt to get your dick wet, then this is far more likely to happen.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *