Spite week: book rants

No, I haven’t seen the movie yet, this post is about the books. More precisely, this post is about how I think the ending was a total copout and I’m STILL MAD. Yes, the last book did indeed come out in 2004, what’s your point? πŸ˜› The rest of the series was so good (although the later books were a little rushed) and all that time I thought it was building up to something amazing, and then it just kinda fizzled out at the end. As bad as the reviews are for the movie I can’t imagine the ending could possibly be less satisfying than the one in the books. And it’s not like Stephen King can’t write an ending, look at ITΒ (yes it was problematic as fuck but the ending didn’t suck), The Stand, The Green Mile, Shawshank Redemption, Insomnia, etc, etc.

As mad as I still am about the end of the Dark Tower, at least I made it all the way through it. The Wheel of Time, on the other hand, got to be an intolerable slog in the middle of the series. Theories about why that is vary, my personal theory is that Robert Jordan got scared he couldn’t write an ending epic enough to satisfy readers after so many (many) books leading up to it, so he stalled for time by writing book after book of pointless political maneuvering and hoped that something would come to him. Either that or he actually thought those books were interesting and no editor had the political capital to tell him to knock that shit off. I’ve heard the last few books where Brandon Sanderson took over are a lot better than the middle slog, but to even understand what’s going on in those books I would have to do a lot of re-reading and I just don’t have it in me.

Speaking of writers who need editors: Anne Rice. The first few books of The Vampire Chronicles were so good, and then shit got weird. I can buy all sorts of wildly bizarre plots as long as the book or series is internally consistent, but once you start throwing in every half-baked crack fic idea you have you’re going to lose me. Editors, people, listen to your editors!

Readers, what books are you mad about?

4 thoughts on “Spite week: book rants

  1. Hahaha I think Memnoch the Devil was the Anne Rice book I gave up on. Memnoch (or…someone, I forget) was telling Lestat some story about how angels came to exist or something but this story-within-a-story went on forever and I was getting antsy to get back to the actual plot. I leafed forward looking for the end of the stupid angel story but it was STILL GOING fifty or a hundred pages later and I was like, fuck it.

    I’m vaguely angry with JPod, by Douglas Coupland, because his other books that I’ve read were so deep and thought-provoking and awesome and this one was just…meh. He was really phoning it in.

    Chuck Palahniuk started phoning his books in, too, big time. My ex lent me the ones where a thirteen-year-old girl takes over Hell and like…they just didn’t have the depth and substance of his other work. Also there’s a scene where a guy gives oral to a gigantic demon chick and his head is entirely up under her clitoral hood and when he comes out his head is dripping wet. I believe Palahniuk is gay but DUDE plz study basic anatomy. Women don’t ooze wetness from there.

    Palahniuk’s book where some dude takes over the world via sex toys was awful and phoned-in, too, and really just seemed to be coming up with sexual situations just for shock value. Feh.

    • It’s so frustrating when authors you know can do better start phoning it in. See also: every prequel I’ve ever read πŸ™

  2. Why you had to remind me of the ending of the dark tower series?? Seriously….there were 15 pages left when a dark suspicion came over me. I kept reading and while turning each page, mumbled you better don’t!…don’t dare!
    I finally got to the end of the last page and yes…it was exactly what my hunch was and the cheapest fucking way to end these series…i was so mad I threw the book across the room!
    I think King started to lack motivation the last 2-3 books and just wanted it to be over. Fuck that ending sucked 😠😠

    • I wish I could re-read that series because the early books are so good, but thinking of the ending just makes me angry. Whyyy did he have to weasel out of writing a real ending?

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