You’d think the fact that not all submissives enjoy pain and not all dominants enjoy inflicting it would be fairly obvious, but sadly there are people out there with some pretty fucking stupid ideas about how this whole kink thing works. Thanks to the pervasive myth that all subs are masochists and all doms are sadists, people get judged on how intense their play is and get all kinds of shit when they fail to “measure up”.
Sure, it’s disappointing when someone you’re interested in turns out to be totally incompatible with you on a kink level, but lashing out and telling them they’re not a “real” whatever is just blatant douchebaggery. Suck it up and move on. If it’s just extremely important to you to let people who you’re not even playing with know that they’re doing it wrong, then congratulations, you’re an asshole. It’s none of your fucking business how people you’re not involved with play (as long as no one’s being harmed, of course). Seriously, how does it affect you if Jane Q. Dominant doesn’t inflict the daily recommended allowance of pain on her sub?
I happen to be a sadist, but I firmly believe that if you can’t think of anything to do with a sub besides inflicting pain then you just don’t have much imagination. You may not want to do any of the thousands of painless things you can do with a sub, but that doesn’t mean those things don’t exist. Come on people, haven’t you ever heard of pet play, tease and denial, bondage, tickling, watersports, obedience, service, sensation play with sensations besides pain? Service alone covers a huge range of fun things you can do without inflicting any pain.
On the other side of the slash it’s all well and good to love pain, but if a sensual dom can’t make you feel submissive the fault is as much yours as it is hers. Don’t blame your limited range on her, jerkface. It’s great if you can take a beating, but what else are you good for? As much as I like hitting people with things, I also have errands to run, projects to work on, meals to cook, and housework to do (well, I would if the ridiculously adorable boyfriend didn’t take care of all the cooking and all the cleaning that the housekeepers don’t do).
Not being interested in pain absolutely does not mean you’re a bad sub or a bad dom. Anyone who thinks it does is a jerk and deserves to have their tragic lack of imagination pointed out.