Pride and Assholes

Happy Pride Day, everyone! Being the ragey person I am, I’m delighted by a celebration that’s basically a huge middle finger raised to everyone who’s enough of a douchebag to believe that there’s anything wrong with not being straight. While I realize that the LGBT community in general and pride parades/pride week celebrations in particular aren’t perfect, I really love the core message of “Fuck you, I refuse to be ashamed of who I am”.

What I really, really don’t love are the ignorant assholes who whine about how there’s no straight pride parade. That’s because we don’t fucking need one, you stupid fucks. Here are just a few things I’ve never had to worry about, just because I had the dumb luck to be straight:

  • I have never had to worry about being thrown out of my home because I’m dating a man. According to the National Coalition for the Homeless, “20% of homeless youth are LGBT. In comparison, the general youth population is only 10% LGBT.”
  • I’ve never had to worry that I’ll get beaten up because I’m straight.
  • I’ve never had to worry that I’ll lose my job because of the gender I’m attracted to. It’s still legal to fire people for being gay in 29 states, and for being transgender in 34 states.
  • I’ve never had to worry about being kicked out of a club or volunteer organization for being straight. The Boy Scouts of America only recently decided that as of January 1st, 2014 they’ll stop kicking out gay kids, if they have to, they guess.
  • I’ve never had to worry that because of my sexuality I might be turned away if I need help from a homeless shelter or foodbank.
  • I’ve never had to worry I’ll be kicked out of my church (if I had one) if they found out I was straight.
  • I’ve never been told that being straight is a sin, or that I’ll go to hell, or that I should spend my entire life celibate.
  • I’ve never had to worry that people will treat me differently if they find out the gender of the person I’m dating.
  • If anything happens to me or my partner, I know that no one would be so inhumanly cruel as to keep us apart because we’re straight.
  • If I get married, I’ll still be legally married if I move to another province or country.
  • Slang terms for my sexuality are not used as insults.

The pride parade is a form of pushback against that oppression. Straight people are not oppressed for being straight, therefore the only parade you whiny little shits are going to get is someone playing the world’s saddest song on the world’s tiniest violin. If the biggest problem in your life is that you don’t get a parade in your honour, you have it pretty fucking good. Shut your face and be grateful.

5 thoughts on “Pride and Assholes

  1. You forgot a few so I thought I would be helpful.

    Your date won’t be trying to talk to into a threesome or assume that you are indiscriminate sexually when you mention being bi sexual.

    You don’t have douche bags in the bar claiming the reason you aren’t straight it because you haven’t slept with them yet.

    You won’t get accused of cheating on your lover with an awesome same gendered friend who you opted to hang out with for an evening of drinks.

    And you also don’t get asked annoying questions like “how do you have sex with your same gendered partner”

    Just thought I would help ya out there. And also thanks for supporting your non straight buddies. (What the hell is up with that term?! Do I look crooked??? Lmao )

    • Your date won’t be trying to talk to into a threesome or assume that you are indiscriminate sexually when you mention being bi sexual.

      Good point, I got so hung up on the shit gay people go through that I forgot about bisexual and trans people.

      how do you have sex with your same gendered partner

      That one just makes me sad. How bad is the sex education people are getting when they don’t realize that there are sex acts other than penis-in-vagina?

  2. What you are talking about is just part of a general practice that’s becoming increasingly prevalent, alas. This is the propaganda narrative through which oppressors present themselves to the world as if THEY are the victims, and the oppressed are extremists and aggressors.

    It’s found everywhere in politics, not just sexual politics. It’s part of the reason why certain words e.g. ‘progressive’, and worst of all ‘liberal’ have become ‘witch words’ to be spat out as if they embodied all that is evil.

    • Sad but true. I just needed to vent about how incredibly stupid and self-centered it is to cast yourself as a victim and the people who are actually oppressed as the bad guys.

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