You will be disappointed sometimes. I touched on this in my post about losing friends and alienating people, but I think it’s worth going into a little more detail.
One of many, many problems I think is related to only seeing dominant women in porn is that it can be really hard for a guy who’s never had a friendly chat with one in real life to imagine how day to day life works with a dominant woman. If you can’t correct your ideas by comparing them with real life, you can end up assuming all sorts of ridiculous fucking bullshit. And guys, it really is ridiculous to assume that dominant women are fundamentally different from vanilla women. We’re just people.
Day to day life with a dominant girlfriend is very much like having a vanilla girlfriend – Ms Dominant will annoy you sometimes, she will ask for things you don’t want to do, you will sometimes just not fucking feel like doing what you’re told. There is no 24/7 overt latex and spankings scene going on.
Once more with feeling: you will not be playing 24/7. Finding a dominant girlfriend is not your ticket to endless kinky funtimes. She’s just a person, and if she’s a person worth knowing she has stuff going on in her life besides kink. If you’re a person worth knowing, you have stuff going on in your life besides kink too.
That whole “having a life” thing means having a dominant girlfriend is more about finding times in your schedules when you’re both free and doing perfectly “normal” stuff together like seeing movies and going out for dinner than it is about getting your collective kink on. It would be fun if everything was perversion and sex all day every day, but that’s just not how life works. It makes me sad that I even need to mention that, but to be fair, it is hard to find information about what dominant women are actually like that’s not produced by someone who makes a profit by lying to you. Elise Sutton, I’m looking at you. In the absence of accurate information, it’s easy to get all kinds of ridiculous ideas about how once you have a dom your life will be nothing but kink and scenes and sexiness forever and ever.
Which I why I have to burst your bubble about that one. Sometimes scenes won’t work out the way you’d hoped. Sometimes you’ll really really like a woman and she’ll even like you back and she still won’t be into all the same kinks you are. Sometimes she’ll be totally willing to try and into the same thing you are and it will still fall flat for no particular reason. Sometimes she’ll have a bad day. Sometimes you will. Sometimes the pipes burst and you have to work late and the car breaks down and no one feels like doing anything fun.
Again, it’s really not that different from having a vanilla relationship. Remember how when you were young and lonely and worried no-one would ever love you and you were convinced that if you could just find a girlfriend everything in your life would magically be great? Remember how you finally did get together with someone and you still had problems? And how sometimes that magical wonderful woman who was supposed to fix everything was actually kind of a jerk sometimes?
Why would you expect things to be different with a dominant woman? Seriously, why don’t we get to be people?
Shit will happen and you’re going to need to deal with it like a grownup. No amount of kinky fun is going to erase the fact that sometimes you’ll have a horrible day at work.
I don’t want to be all doom and gloom here, I just want people to have realistic expectations. If you go into a d/s relationship expecting that everything will be perfect from now on, you’re going to be really fucking disappointed. On the other hand, if you go into a d/s relationship with the understanding that nobody is perfect and that bad things happen to everyone sometimes, you can have a wonderful relationship that brings both of you joy. Wouldn’t you rather have a chance at happiness than guarantee you’ll be miserable?