According to the stereotypes, my job as a dominant woman is to make men want me. I’m supposed to be so beautiful, so perfectly styled and made up, or at the very least so thoroughly encased in whatever material men have a fetish for that those men can’t help but fall on their knees before me.
Apparently, I’m just supposed to ignore the fact that worrying about whether I’m appealing to men doesn’t make me feel dominant at all. Not only do I not feel powerful when my so-called power is based on other people’s approval of my appearance, but it’s a very fragile and limited form of power. There’s a reason sexual desirability is the only power society is even the slightest bit comfortable with women wielding – it makes them replaceable and it has an expiry date. If physical beauty is all that’s important, any beautiful woman will do.
I know there are some dominant women out there who love knowing that their beauty captivates men, but I’m not one of them. In fact, I hate the idea that the only power I have is the power to make people want me. Yes, it is a form of power, but it’s not one I want to use. Worrying about whether I’m attractive enough, whether my outfit is hot enough feels fundamentally submissive to me. Being a dominant woman, that just feels wrong. It puts submissive men in control, lets them judge whether I’m doing a good enough job of catering to their fetishes.
The power of sexual desirability is a power I want submissive men to have over me. I want to do the wanting. I want them to make me double-take, and forget what I was saying, and trip over my own two feet because of how ridiculously, overpoweringly hot they are.
I want my desires to matter. I want submissive men to cater to them the way submissive women cater to dominant men’s desires. The idea of a submissive man working out in hopes of catching my eye, or hunting for the perfect pair of pants that show off his ass just so is incredibly hot to me.
It’s not that it’s terrible to have anyone consider me attractive, but I want a submissive man to want me for how I can make him feel, for how I can fulfill his need to feel owned, and desired, and useful, rather than for how hard I can make his dick. If that’s the only power I have, then I have no power at all for about half an hour after every orgasm he has.
Is there anyone else out there who is just turned off by the idea that she’s supposed to submit to submissive men’s libidos?