Honestly, just go read this excellent tumblr post, I really don’t have that much to add.
If you absorb nothing else from that post, take this one thing: those people going about their day in public DID NOT CONSENT TO BEING PART OF YOUR SCENE.
I’m not saying that you can’t ever do anything the tiniest bit kinky if you’re not behind multiple locked doors, just that you need to not be a complete fucking asshole about it. It’s not doing something kinky outside of your house that’s the problem, it’s involving non-consenting people in your scene like a gross fucking creeper.
It’s really not the point of this post, but there are plenty of ways to subtly enjoy your kink in public without anyone else ever knowing about it. Think about it for a couple of seconds or google it if you need to. Here’s a hint: code words are really handy.
If you’re not willing to put any thought at all into doing kinky stuff quietly in a way no one else would notice, then can you please just fucking admit that you’re only doing stuff in public to freak out non-consenting vanilla people who are just trying to get through their days? To be clear, you’d still be an asshole if you did admit you just like freaking out the vanillas but at least you’d be an honest asshole.
And don’t start with the “oh noes ur kinkshaming!” bullshit. Kink involves consenting adults only. If you involve people without their consent, you’re just an asshole. Stop pretending you’re special and you’re tooOooOOOoo kinky to keep it to yourself, we all know the truth. Knock that shit off you tacky little brat.
While I’m at it, putting kinky picture online is fine, but for shits sake don’t tag them in a way that means people having a shitty day and looking for a little distraction can’t safely browse, say, the kitten tag (scroll through the results long enough and it’ll just make you sad). If there’s kink or nudity in your picture, tag it properly it’s not that fucking hard what the fuck is wrong with people. Non-kinky people exist and shouldn’t have kink shoved in their faces when they’re looking for cute pictures of kittens. And even kinky people like me sometimes just want to see cute pictures of kittens too, what is so fucking terrible about that?
One final point: don’t be a white person with dreadlocks. Just don’t.
“Knock that shit off you tacky little brat.”
*applause*
“One final point: don’t be a white person with dreadlocks. Just don’t.”
*STANDING APPLAUSE*
This is a very complicated area. Figuring out where to draw the line is tricky, and I’m not sure I agree with where you’re putting it. Not involving others in a non-consensual manner is a good approach, but that’s not the same thing as ensuring nobody else knows about it.
I should add at this point that I’ve zero personal interest in humiliation or public scenes. I can get horribly embarrassed just watching a sitcom on TV on my own. I’ve no desire to embarrass myself in public, let alone anyone else.
That said, this statement does not seem entirely logical to me: “If you’re not willing to put any thought at all into doing kinky stuff quietly in a way no one else would notice, then can you please just fucking admit that you’re only doing stuff in public to freak out non-consenting vanilla people who are just trying to get through their days? ”
A gay couple kissing is clearly noticeable and offense to assholes who get upset about that kind of stuff, but the gay couple aren’t doing it be offensive. Similarly if someone is wearing a leash or roleplaying in a public space, it’s not automatic that they’re doing it to piss others off. If that’s their goal, then yes, that’s obnoxious as hell. But kinky people pay taxes for public spaces as well. If they’re doing their thing and having fun in their public space, and not doing it to get a rise out of others, then I kind of think that should be OK. The bar isn’t ‘not noticeable’. It isn’t even ‘not offensive’. It’s ‘not requiring others to participate’. If others choose to participate by getting inadvertently offended by kink, then that’s their problem.
There’s lots of things I dislike seeing that other people do in public. Personally I’d much rather have a kinky couple doing some minor and low key leash play than a couple of screaming kids invading my space. The challenge is obviously figuring out when the thrill of the play is getting a rise out of people versus people just doing their own thing. I’ve no idea how you do that, and I therefore lean to assume the best rather than the worst.
-paltego