Submissive men, this is your periodic reminder that the bar to impress a dominant woman has been set so low that you should be worried about tripping over it, not failing to reach it. Don’t believe me? Here’s an except from an email I sent last year:
When I asked if you could tell me anything about yourself as a person, I wanted some information about who you are outside of your kinks (which you did not need to list for me again. I’m not stupid, I can scroll down to your first message and see the list there).
The truly sad thing is that the message I was replying to was far from the worst I’ve seen – the content may have been terrible, but at least it was all spelled correctly. However, all the attention to spelling and grammar in the world won’t help if you refuse to treat me like a human fucking being.
Guys, the bar is so low that all you have to do to impress a dom is to treat her like she’s a person. Seriously, that’s it. You don’t have to be rich, powerful, or a combination motorcycle race champion/underwear model. All you have to do is start from the bizarre and outlandish assumption that we’re people with interests of our own, not a malfunctioning fetish vending machines. I can’t even begin to tell you how infuriating it is to be so badly disrespected so very often by people who claim to worship women like me that the most basic acknowledgement of my humanity is all it takes to get my attention, but the smart men out there should be using my frustration to their advantage. Someone might as well get something out of this mess.
Oh, and for bonus points: read your potential dom’s writing! Using myself as an example, I have an entire goddamn blog that tells you more than any profile ever could about what I care about, how I think, and who I am as a person (sure, the blog mostly shows my ragey side, but there’s still a lot of information here). If you’ve found someone on fetlife, for fucks sake read their profile and look at their posting history (scroll down a little, it’s below their websites and above their fetishes). Making a comment about something your potential dom said recently is not only a great way to start a conversation, but it shows that you were willing to make the grueling effort of clicking your mouse a couple of times and doing a little reading.
Grumpy as I very often am, I really do want to be impressed by submissive men. I know many of you have a good handle on this already, but for the guys just catching up: I want to read your messages and wonder whether I’m awesome enough for you. I want your messages to make me sad that I don’t have room in my life for another awesome submissive man and determined to find someone to set you up with. I want your writing to impress me so much that I ask if I can use it as a guest post on my blog. I want you guys to be as amazing as I know you can be. Can’t you meet me half way?