I’ve said this before, but you know, it bears repeating: people, particularly women, notice when you can’t be bothered to talk to anyone you don’t want to fuck and we hate it. That’s not the only reason you should talk to people who aren’t hot dominant women or who *gasp* are dominant women but don’t particularly turn you on, though.

First of all, people have friends. If you’re not a dick, they might introduce you to said friends. I don’t know why this doesn’t occur to more people – do you think everyone you see at a munch or play party is secretly a robot who goes straight home afterward and plugs themselves into their charging station? To be fair, it is normal to assume that the scene consists only of the people you see at events, but think about it for a second. Not everyone makes it to every single event. People have other stuff going on in their lives, they have scheduling conflicts, they catch colds, they go on vacation, they just don’t like large groups of people, and sometimes even when everything lines up just right they still don’t feel like leaving the house that night (if so you might be me :).

If you’re nice to the people who did make it out, they’ll be a lot more likely to introduce you to their friends who didn’t make it out. If you’re lucky, you’ll meet someone who actively enjoys introducing people who might get along. Pro-tip: sometimes the person who actively enjoys introducing people is a submissive guy. One more reason you should talk to people who aren’t hot dominant women.

Second of all, you can make friends with people you don’t want to fuck. I wish that was too obvious to bother saying, but apparently it’s not. Some of the people you meet in the scene will have absolutely nothing in common with you besides kink, but some people you meet literally everywhere else will also have nothing in common with you. You’re certainly not required to make friends with other kinksters, but what can it hurt to try? Just because kink is the thing that brings you together doesn’t mean you can’t possibly run into anyone you have more in common with. Nobody has just one hobby and kink is no exception. The kink scene does seem to be pretty nerd heavy though, so if you can’t stand to hear about the latest sci-fi movie you may need to meet a bunch of people before you find a non-nerd.

It can only do you good to have friends who are into the same stuff you are and will help you stand up to your inner demons when they tell you you’re a freak. I have this theory that part of the reason it’s so sadly common for submissive guys to be down on themselves is that they isolate themselves and don’t have anyone around to tell them “No dude, you’re a good guy, your brain is just being a jerk right now.” It’s also helpful to have someone who can

You can also learn things from people who aren’t hot dominant women. Shockingly enough, other people know things and it’s possible to absorb information that comes from someone you don’t want to bang. You can even, horror of horrors, learn stuff from dominant men (but feel free to skip the douchebags). It’s not unusual for kinky people to be excited to show off their toys and talk about how to use them safely, even with people they aren’t necessarily interested in playing with. There are also plenty of people in the scene who enjoy nerding out about kink theory – why particular kinks work for us, why some kinks are so common, what kind of d/s works for us or totally doesn’t work for us, and you can learn a lot by talking with them.

Even if you’re not interested in making friends or learning from anyone and only want to find a sexual partner, you should still talk with people you don’t want to fuck. Not only because you can cast a much wider net, so to speak, if you act like the kind of person anyone would ever introduce their friends to, but because only talking to people you want to fuck simply does not work.

Seriously, we can fucking smell it on you when you think a conversation is a total waste of time if it doesn’t lead to you getting your dick wet. If you’re going to act like that, you might as well just go home and jerk off. It’ll be about as productive a way to meet people, with the added bonus of not giving people the completely accurate impression that you suck.

Also, if you only talk to people you want to fuck, you might as well wear a sign that says “I don’t care about you as a person.” It should not be any sort of surprise that acting like that convinces people they should never get naked with you. Even if they do like casual sex, they’re not real likely to want it with someone who is almost certainly a selfish sack of shit in bed. Why would anyone bother to fuck some dumb jerk who is only going to do what feels good for him and make no effort to get you off?

Finally, if you go around only talking to the hottest women at the munch/party/whatever, what you’re telling every woman after the first one is that she is not your first choice but she’ll do. Sexxxxy.

Guys, for the love of god stop going to munches, talking only to women you want to fuck, and then acting surprised that no one seems to like you. This is social skills 101, if you act like a jerk people will *gasp* think you’re a jerk. Have you never talked to anyone who was only interested in what you could do for them and dropped you like a hot rock when they got what they wanted? Did you like that person? So do you see the moral of the story here?

You get people to like you by showing an interest in them, it’s not that fucking complicated.