Porn vs f/m

Many many dominant women complain a lot about how much femdom porn sucks and how men who watch too much of it end up with ridiculous ideas about what they can expect from dominant women. To be clear, most femdom porn is fucking awful and men who probably weren’t all that bright in the first place do get ridiculous ideas from it. That said, there is such a thing as porn women actually like and it’s not just the lack of realism that makes so many of us hate average femdom porn so much.

Porn for women is a thing. Have you ever read a romance novel? No seriously, have you read any? If you have, you know where I’m going with this 🙂 Yeah, women are fucking filthy. Some romance novels are really explicit. No, more than that. They’re full on porn, just in words instead of pictures. And no, they’re not realistic, that’s entirely beside the point.

Here are the two three big differences between porn that women actually like and porn that women can’t fucking stand:

  1. The women in romance novels are relatable – sometimes they feel uncertain, unsure of themselves, they occasionally have flaws and bad days and make mistakes
  2. Romance novels answer the question “why should I give a fraction of a shit that these two people are fucking?”
  3. At least some romance novels aren’t openly insulting to women.

That’s pretty much it. High bar, huh.

Oh if you want to be picky there’s usually something at least vaguely appealing about the male love interest. Why yes, women do experience desire. We just don’t experience desire for stupid bullshit that someone who has never spoken with an actual woman thinks we’re probably supposed to want, he guesses.

If you want to make porn that doesn’t send women screaming, read a fucking romance novel. I’m not saying none of them are profoundly fucking problematic, of course they are. Read a few of them, and look for commonalities. One of the big things you’re going to see is some actual emotions. If I don’t care about any of the characters, I sure don’t care that they’re fucking. It’s also nice if the characters actually seem to be attracted to each other and having a good time while they’re getting it on.

One of the things I hate most about shitty femdom porn is the baffling popularity of bitchy ice queen doms who don’t seem to be having any fun. If I was having that bad of a time slapping a guy around, I would call red and go home to play videogames. Seriously, you want me to relate to a woman who clearly wants to go the fuck home and put her feet up? Okay I do relate to her, but not in a sexy way. If I’m going to watch porn rather than read it, I prefer gay porn. I’d even rather watch maledom porn most of the time because at least everyone is willing to fake being happy to be there.

One of the things I find most insulting about the majority of femdom porn is the idea that I’m supposed to believe that a woman who clearly takes no personal enjoyment whatsoever in what she’s doing is actually in charge. No dude, if she was in charge she’d be doing literally anything else. That annoys me so badly I had to go back up and change my two big differences between porn women like and porn we can’t fucking stand to three big differences.

It is honestly not that fucking hard to make porn women like, the problem is that to do that you have to believe women are people and frankly that’s a bridge too far for many, many men. If you believe that we’re people, then it follows that our wants and needs both exist and matter. If you start from there you can’t help but make porn women like. Only a subset of us, of course, because we are not a motherfucking hive mind seriously what does it take to get that through you fucker’s heads, but you will undoubtedly make stuff women like if you start by assuming we’re people.

And the next time you hear about how much women hate porn in general or femdom porn in particular, just mentally translate that into “shitty porn” and “openly insulting femdom porn.”

11 thoughts on “Porn vs f/m

  1. I read your blog at least two times a week. I just finished this one on porn, and it is very similar to many of your other entries. You shout . You scream. You curse. You insult. The anonymous reader is stupid or lazy or out of touch with the way things really are. May I ask a simple question? Why are you so angry? Other than asking questions such as this, how has such a large portion of your readership so offended you that you find it necessary to adopt this tone? Thanks much for your time. Wayne

  2. You obviously don’t know any women who’ve made femdomme porn. I know several and have been present when they’ve talked about the bad days and mistakes they’re made in their films, especially their early ones. So the idea that woman in porn are unrelatable is a falsehood and disingenuous to say the least.

    Porn mirrors real life. In order to be successful most of the time one has to pretend to be certain and give the appearance of being sure of oneself, even when it’s the furthest thing from reality. That’s what leaders do. Since women are supposed to be the leaders in femdomme porn, what else would you expect them to be doing? Women in romance novels are rarely the leaders. Often controlled and solely in a reactive role, a victim of their circumstances and surroundings. So what you’re really saying is woman should be weak, shut the fuck up and do what they’re told in order to be relatable in fictional works.

    Romance novels aren’t openly insulting to women? Please! Clearly you’ve never read any of them. I have read some and a lot of the women protagonists in them make the character of Hamlet look decisive and competent. After enduring these characters, these romance novels having an ending like the play, Hamlet, would be a lot more entertaining and satisfying.

    I would suggest you’ve missed the real reason women dislike porn is because they dislike their men spending time and money on it, things they feel would better be spent on or with them.

    Women dislike porn because they want to dislike it. The obvious conclusion is that it’s because they’ve been told, programmed, that they’re supposed to dislike it.

    • Mod note: I approved this comment only so that this idiot can make a fool of himself in public. Feel free to make fun of him and his dismal reading comprehension.

      • I love it when they start out suggesting that no! *you’re* the one who’s insulting women by suggesting that they might have the emotional range of normal humans and end by smacking lips over the idea of fictional women they dislike being murdered and insisting that women who say they don’t like a thing are either a) mad that they aren’t getting men’s money or b) brainwashed. Like, gosh, I’m glad we have an expert here to tell us what is and isn’t insulting–these distinctions are so counterintuitive!

        Sigh.

  3. I agree that a lot of it Femdom porn is awful, but it’s functional and designed for men to have a quick wank too.

    I’d definitely love to find more lengthy Femdom pornos that at least have some remnant of a storyline to them instead of the usual 8 minutes of sensory bombardment.

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