What the fuck do you think ‘obedient’ even means?

One of many things that drives me straight up a fucking wall is the asshats who insist on posting personal ads along the lines of “I’m a young, very obedient sub looking for a mistress to call me hers.” in FetLife groups that say very clearly in the rules (you know, that bit you have to scroll past to get to the ‘Join this Group’ button?) that personal ads are not allowed.

Honestly, what the fuck do these people think the word obedient means? Clearly it doesn’t mean “Complying or willing to comply with orders or requests”. I guess it must mean “is turned on by the idea of submitting, but just isn’t that interested in anyone else’s needs.”

To digress a little, I realize identifying as submissive is a personal choice and no-one else can tell you whether you fundamentally are or are not submissive, but what other people can say is that you’re so bad at it that they don’t care what you are as long as you stay well away from them. Just like identifying as heterosexual, homosexual, or just sexual in general doesn’t mean you’re any good in bed, identifying as submissive doesn’t mean that you’re any good at it. Bottoming and submitting are skills, and it is possible to suck at them.

Back at my main point, it’s maddening to see man after man completely ignore the clearly stated rules of a group. What’s even worse is when some moron inevitably gets all butthurt about how the dominant women of the group are so terribly mean to all the men who make innocent mistakes, but they seem to be fine with dominant women showing up and making total asses of themselves.

It’s actually quite rare for a dominant woman to show up and act like an assclown. Because it’s rare, people tend to react with bafflement before they move on to utter disdain. Unfortunately, it’s not at all rare for ‘submissive’ men to ignore the clearly stated rules of the group and completely disrespect the women they claim to revere. Because it’s so common, everyone’s ability to be compassionate with clueless newbies just wears away. Pro tip: ignoring simple rules because you’re so much more important than all of the group members who just want to have a civil conversation is the opposite of attractive to dominant women.

Even when we try to be nice and gently explain that posting a personal ad in a no personal ads group isn’t likely to attract any women, these children whine and cry about how we obviously want them to never find a mistress and die alone. When there’s no way to win, we just stop trying.

Yes, we do come down harder on the fifth man this week to completely ignore the rules than we do on the rare women who do it. No, I’m not sorry. I’ll make you all a deal: you try being smarter, and I’ll try being nicer.

6 thoughts on “What the fuck do you think ‘obedient’ even means?

  1. This made me laugh.

    You should see my inbox sometimes after I moderate some of those posts. Luckily it’s rare that I get abused for it, but when I do, I really *really* want to post the entire conversation out in public and go ‘here you go, ladies, line up: this one’s a real gem!’


  2. I love this post and I want to marry it.

    The part that frustrates me most is that the personal-ad guys would get so much more positive attention (and maybe even find (a) partner(s)!) if they participated in the groups by actually hanging out there and contributing to the discussions. But no, they don’t have the time to interact with people in a casual setting and make their alleged awesomeness known that way. They want to find a mistress! Now! Now! Now!

    So they go on Fetlife with no picture and no info in their profile, spam all the groups with desperate requests for attention, and then get all pissy when that doesn’t result in some kind of pussy avalanche in the first ten minutes.

    And – as someone brilliantly commented a bunch of posts ago – the empty profile thing is what women do when they don’t want attention. Most guys want to know a bit about a woman before they decide whether to pursue her, so a profile with no pics and little or no info usually gets glossed over. So…why can’t these desperate, group-spamming, wahhhh-wahhhhhhh-waaaaah-it’s-been-ten-minutes-and-I-still-can’t-find-a-mistress dudes comprehend that women want information on a potential partner, too?

    • I love this post and I want to marry it.

      I feel all warm and fuzzy now 🙂

      The part that frustrates me most is that the personal-ad guys would get so much more positive attention (and maybe even find (a) partner(s)!) if they participated in the groups by actually hanging out there and contributing to the discussions.

      Augh! Yes, that’s just maddening. Not too long ago in the submissive men and the women who love them group on Fetlife, someone new to the whole scene started a fantastic thread with some interesting questions. The women of the group were so impressed they started play-fighting over him. Sure, he had to actually read the stickies and stuff to get that kind of attention, but I guarantee it was less work than posting terrible personal ads where they aren’t wanted and spending months wondering why no-one likes you.

      I just, why do people keep doing it wrong when it’s so easy to get it right?

  3. They also assume that everyone yelling at them in the thread is a woman. The women are always the mean ones. What stops me, as someone who is submissive, from putting an asshat in his place? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. And there are a lot of other guys on the boards who are willing to slap some sense into an asshat too.

    But a submissive man being mean to said asshat probably isn’t as hot as a dominant woman being mean to them. So we’re ignored by him.

    So it goes.

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