Not actually a selling point

Every so often you’ll see personal ads by men who think that offering to go down on a woman for hours is a selling point. It’s not.

First of all, do you know any women who actually want a guy to give them head for hours at a time? No, you do not. The vast majority of us have shit to do besides lie around while you indulge your obsession with pussy. Guys, it’s not service unless the master wants it. You may be so obsessed with your penis that you would actually want someone to worship it for hours on end, but I have about a thousand other things I could be doing.

Second, not all women can have multiple orgasms. Many of us are done after one orgasm. If it takes you hours to give someone a single orgasm, you are fucking terrible at oral. Imagine if someone told you they were willing to scrub your floor for hours. Wouldn’t the first thing you asked be “Why would it take hours? Are you terrible at cleaning?”

Third, if it seriously takes you hours to give a woman an orgasm, you’re going to bore her to fucking tears. If you actually find someone patient enough to let you give her bad oral for hours, at least offer the poor woman a book or hang a tv from your ceiling or something.

Fourth, we know you’re lying. You do not actually have the stamina to give someone head for hours on end. You might not even have the stamina to get a woman off orally at all. If you ask around, say in the Ask a Female Questions group on Fetlife, you’ll hear that women need firm and above all consistent stimulation to actually orgasm. Without consistency, we often get anxious about whether we’re going to come at all (which makes it even harder to have an orgasm) and how to gracefully tell the poor guy to give up, it’s not going to happen. There’s a reason vibrators are so popular: they never get tired.

Sure, giving head for hours is a hot fantasy. Jerk off to whatever you like, but when you’re writing a personal ad you’ve got to keep fantasy and reality straight. Saying that you enjoy eating pussy and that you’ve gotten compliments on your skills is plausible. Saying that you can go down for hours is not. Assuming that the women reading your ad/profile are too dumb to know the difference is really not a selling point.

And again, because this point really needs to be hammered home, It Is Not Service Unless The Master Wants It. Wanting to go down on someone for hours is about your fetish, not what your partner actually wants. Acting like “wants to give head for hours” is a selling point only tells me that you don’t know or don’t care what women actually want.

Edited for the person originally quoted’s privacy.

4 thoughts on “Not actually a selling point

  1. Ha, I’m glad to hear I’m not the only woman who finds the idea of hours of cunnilingus tiresome at best. When I read comments about lengthy cunnilingus in men’s ads, I move to the next one on the assumption that he and I are not sexually compatible, because I would loathe that.

    I’ve always assumed there are some women who would like that, perhaps those who have multiple orgasms (which I don’t). If you’re out there, women who like really long cunnilingus sessions, I’d be interested in hearing your point of view.

    • Haha…I am multiply orgasmic, but even I wouldn’t want hours of cunnilingus. I’d get bored. I’m also blessedly a lesbian and haven’t come across a woman who said such.

  2. I believe that you are mistaken when you say that nobody wants to have oral sex performed on them for hours at a time.

    While this may be true for the vast majority of people / situations that arise, you neglected to consider some well known variables (potent illicit aphrodisiacs) that can push arousal and drive to levels that would alllow both parties to enjoy oral sex for hours at a time…and then some.

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