Take your “women have it easier” and fuck off

You know what’s funny? I just wrote half a blog post and realized I’ve actually already written another version of it when I went looking for a link. The first version of this post is “Women can get laid any time they want” and the quote I was looking for was:

Virtually all heterosexual men are reliably orgasmic from penile-vaginal intercourse, while only about a quarter to a third of women are. Another third of women are sometimes orgasmic from penetration, and the remaining third of women are never or almost never orgasmic from penile-vaginal penetration. These results have been replicated over and over, in the lab and by self-report.

That’s from Emily Nagoski‘s post about orgasm differences, and I think it does a pretty good job of explaining why casual sex is a waste of time for so many women. Why fucking bother (pun totally intended) if you’re not even going to get an orgasm out of it?

But that’s not the only reason I am so heartily sick of hearing from whiny manchildren than women have it easier when it comes to dating. Are you afraid of getting drugged and raped if you meet a stranger for dinner? Are you painfully aware at all times that if someone decides to sexually assault, stalk, abuse, or otherwise terrorize you, they will almost certainly experience no meaningful consequences? Are you afraid to even turn someone down because you know they might assault or murder you for rejecting them? No? Then shut your fucking hole, fuckface.

You know why it’s easier to get a man to fuck a stranger than to get a woman to do the same thing? Because by comparison, the man experiences practically no risk. If he goes home with a woman and she asks for something he doesn’t want to do, he can very likely say no without worrying that she’ll physically force him to. If he sees that woman later, he doesn’t have to worry that she’ll point out the filthy slut to her friends and talk about him like he’s a piece of meat. Oh, and he’ll definitely get to have an orgasm, which is kind of the point of a one night stand.

While we’re at it, can we stop fucking pretending that men will fuck anything with tits? It’s actually tremendously insulting to men to keep saying that they’ll fuck literally anyone who is a) not obviously disfigured and b) showered that day. Men are people and as such, have preferences. Talking about how you and any other man would fuck anyone is just so much macho posturing. At this point I’m not sure who you think you’re kidding.

And no, you would not actually fuck the hypothetical woman in a room with n guys who says “Who wants to fuck?” Unless you were already very drunk, you would worry that anyone who did something so extremely unusual for a woman was mentally ill, had an STI (because nothing gets men laid like judging the shit out of women who are willing to have casual sex), or both. And if you were being really honest with yourself, you would feel weird about being nothing but a piece of meat to someone who was willing to fuck literally anyone. Okay if you’re here reading my blog that might well be your fantasy, but there’s still a difference between role-playing being used with someone who cares about you and will cuddle you afterward, and actually being used by someone who doesn’t give two shits about you.

While I’m at it, I don’t want to hear any fucking whining about how expensive it is to take women out on dates, either. It’s not my fault if you’re not creative enough to think of anything that’s both fun and inexpensive and you’re too lazy to google “inexpensive dates in [your city].” Also, the wage gap is still a thing (don’t cry about that in the comments, I’ll just ban you permanently), which sharply limits my sympathy. I’d be happy to pay for dates if I made at least dollar for every 79 cents you made (the stats are even worse if you’re not an able-bodied cis white woman) and got promotions and raises at the same rate you did.

Which is a very long winded way to say I’m not planning on publishing any more comments about how women have it so easy when it comes to dating and couldn’t possibly understand the misery men go through. You want my harddrive space and my bandwidth? Fucking be more interesting.

5 thoughts on “Take your “women have it easier” and fuck off

  1. I’m starting to believe that this blog is just your ongoing struggle with the fact that men are, in general, quite terrible.

    • If so, there’s some inherent optimism in posting about it as there’s hope that people can become more self-aware. …I’m also aware that you might be speaking in jest. It’s worth pointing out either way.

      My own opinion is that this blog is struggling/raising awareness about inequity, misinformation, healthy boundaries and such that are needed in kink and/or relationships. That some of the articles specifically call out “men’s behavior” is at least partly due to the authors life experience being a straight female. (Straight women would be hit on by more men, right?) Then again, even having listed myself as a lesbian hasn’t kept men from messaging me obnoxiously.

      Regardless, some of the rants on here have helped me gain perspective on unhealthy relationships I’ve had in the past (with women*). It has also helped me gain confidence in voicing and seeking to maintain my boundaries.

      I am thankful.

      *For some inexplicable reason, people often assume that my past relationships were with men, so I feel the need to specify.

    • I think Stabbity is spot on with a lot of them – I can see a lot of them echoed in my own dating behavior, and they explain much of my failure. It might be bitter medicine but it’s better to take as something to fix rather than be a disgusting, weak sack of self-pity. Autism makes the already confusing expectations and social queues required in dating bewildering and frustrating. I very much appreciate the directness and specificity of the post; it’s useful rather than simply critical.

      I disagree here though: “And if you were being really honest with yourself, you would feel weird about being nothing but a piece of meat to someone who was willing to fuck literally anyone.”

      While I would remark it as unusual and question the motive, I really do appreciate the promiscuous women who have decided I was their steak of the moment. The difference is probably that the interaction was entirely honest, and I didn’t really expect to be more than a fling.

      • @Forrest I don’t know you, so maybe I’m wrong, but I suspect it didn’t seem like the women in question were literally willing to fuck ANYONE at that moment and you just got there first. It seems more likely they were interested in YOU, specifically, if only for a night. Which is a whole different (and much more flattering) thing.

        Here’s a story: a bunch of years ago I wanted to get laid so I called up a FWB and asked him to come over. He couldn’t decide and was hemming and hawing for five minutes until finally I snapped “Look, are we doing this or do I need to call someone else?”

        He hung up on me and never spoke to me again. I don’t think he liked feeling interchangeable like that.

        • He couldn’t decide and was hemming and hawing for five minutes

          But but but women can get laid instantly any time they want!

          And yeah, I very much doubt the women Forrest mentioned were willing to fuck literally anyone. Not because they’re women, but because in my experience no one actually does that, not even men who will supposedly fuck anything with boobs and a pulse.

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