Female dominant hive mind

One of my (many) pet peeves is people who think there is some sort of female dominant hive mind. Now, I’m sure they don’t literally believe we are the Borg, but I’ve seen far too many people asking what dominant women like as if we’re a monolith.

Asking “do dominant women like x?” makes no more sense than asking “do brunettes like x?” or “do 31 year olds like x?” If you wouldn’t expect brunettes or 31 year olds to like the same things, why would you expect dominant women to? Sure, being dominant means I  have a little more in common with another dominant woman than I do with any other random brunette, but it’s still quite a small part of my life. Like everyone else I have a job, a social life (well, when work isn’t trying to eat my entire life), and hobbies that have nothing to do with how I like to get off. I have more in common with fellow gamers, programmers, or introverts than I do with any given female dom.

If you think ‘do dominant women like x?” is a  meaningful question, either you think I am nothing more than my interest in kink, or you think dominant women are interchangeable drones in a Borg-like collective. Shockingly enough, I don’t like being reduced to my kinks or stripped of my individuality. As little as dominant women have in common, there is one thing we tend to agree on: we hate not being treated like people.

What I really don’t understand is why it matters what random dominant women you’re not in a relationship with want. If there’s a particular woman you get along with and would like to know better, treat her like a goddamn person and ask her what she wants. If there’s not, what good is knowing what a bunch of other women like when you do meet the right dom for you? ‘But 8 out 10 doms like it!’ is going to sway absolutely no one if she isn’t interested in whichever kink you’re trying to convince her to try. Even if 8 out of 10 doms really do like x, being able to do that isn’t going to convince someone you’re right for her.

My guess is that the men who ask if dominant women like x just want to be reassured that one day they’ll find a partner who shares their kinks. That’s a totally reasonable thing to want, but come on guys, you can ask for that without treating me like a faceless drone. And honestly, phrasing that request as “does any else like x?” is just irritating. It’s the internet, there is literally always someone else who likes x. Asking that question on a forum just makes you look like you’re too stupid or lazy to google it.

It’s also possible these guys want to know what dominant women like so they can be good subs. Unfortunately, treating us like we’re interchangeable is a terrible way to be a good sub, as well as being incredibly disrespectful. If you can’t treat us like people, no amount of back massages or pedicures are going to convince us to give you the time of day.

If you insist on treating us like a hive mind, don’t be surprised if that hive is mysteriously united in their total lack of interest in you.

4 thoughts on “Female dominant hive mind

  1. I think this question gets asked mostly in a very early, general context by guys hoping to get an idea of what they should work on regarding making themselves more attractive to the entire pool of dominant women (if such a thing even exists as relevantly characterized). I agree it’s mostly a dumb, meaningless question, and I think reflects an intent to put up a façade that probably won’t last more than a few meetings with anyone. Though still, I hear from more than a few dominant women about stuff they generally don’t like that’s still a staple of “femdom” pr0n, fantasy, or prodomme services, so the expectation of a possible mismatch between interests isn’t exactly out of left field.

    In my experience, I’ve encountered potential female dominants who “looked great on paper,” or to whom I assumed I would look great to but there was just zero or less interest and compatibility on actually meeting. There’s no substitute for personal chemistry. Having said that, trying to find someone with whom that is shared as well as compatible kink interests is such a trap-littered maze that I can only fault anyone so far for trying to find shortcuts.

    • “I think this question gets asked mostly in a very early, general context by guys hoping to get an idea of what they should work on regarding making themselves more attractive to the entire pool of dominant women ”

      Disagree. “Do dominant women like x?” is almost always about some oft-filmed BDSM porn activity that gets him off. That’s not a sub trying to get an idea of what he should work on in order to be more attractive to dominant women; that’s a sub wanting to hear women talk about his fantasies so he can jerk off, or so he can look forward to finding his very own fetish vending machine – oops I mean dominant woman – one day.

      “What do dominant women like?” is an equally stupid question from a we-are-not-a-goddamned-hivemind standpoint, but DOES probably indicate that a guy is wanting to work on himself and become more appealing. And in fairness I do see that one almost as much as the other.

  2. I think this commentary reflects a belief in individual differences that has nothing to dow with question. In the changing intersexual roles men and women are experiencing, men are having to learn how to adapt to women being more dominant and it feels weird to us and at times we don’t know how to behave. We notice that when we are submissive to a dominant woman the sexual attraction wanes. Also, those of us who are more alpha males bristle when a woman tries to dominate us – it feels denigrating.

    I’m not saying we shouldn’t change, but there certainly is a validity to this question, despite your attempts to reframe it as something denigrating to women.

    • Thank god there’s a man here to tell me what I’m allowed to feel about my own experiences… Wait, no what I actually meant was go fuck yourself, you mansplaining dogfucker.

      For anyone reading this who isn’t so utterly worthless that they might as well be out back violating a canine, it is precisely never acceptable for a man to tell a woman how to feel about or interpret her own experiences. Why? Because you didn’t have the experience and the only reason you feel entitled to tell me how to feel about it is male entitlement and rampant stupidity.

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